The union of husband and wife in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God's will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord. Therefore marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God.
Marriage at the Chapel of the Cross can be considered if any of the following conditions exists:
The bride, groom, or their parents are communicants of the parish or regularly worship here;
The couple is in the process of joining the Chapel of the Cross;
The bride or groom is an active Episcopalian and there are compelling reasons for the wedding to take place in Chapel Hill. A recommendation from the home rector is required.
These conditions do not automatically insure a wedding at the Chapel of the Cross, however. No presumption should be made until after a meeting with one of the clergy. TheBook of Common Prayer requires that at least one of the parties be a baptized Christian.
For those previously married and divorced, the permission of the diocesan bishop must be obtained by the priest who will officiate at this wedding. If one of the parties has been divorced more than once, the bishop requires professional counseling for the couple and that at least a year has passed since the final divorce decree was granted.
Process
The couple reads this brochure thoroughly and, if appropriate, makes an appointment with a priest on the parish staff to discuss their intentions.
No wedding date can be set until the couple has met with a parish priest. Six to eight months before the wedding is the recommended time for making initial inquiry.
The minimum requirement is 90 days.
Pre-marital Instruction
The priest who will officiate at the wedding is responsible for determining that the couple has been properly instructed about the nature, meaning and purpose of Holy Matrimony. This instruction is usually accomplished in several counseling sessions.
The parish holds weekend Preparation for Marriage Workshops twice yearly to supplement the individual sessions.
Attendance at one of these workshops is expected.
For logistic and future pastoral purposes, it is desirable that couples living in another location do a significant part of their counseling with a priest of their parish who will inform the officiant when this process is complete.
Wedding
A wedding is a service of public worship and should, therefore, be planned in consideration of other worship services and activities of the parish.
The wedding date will be finalized only after the couple has met with the parish priest who will officiate at the service.
Weddings are not customary on Sundays or during Lent.
Weddings must be scheduled at least three hours apart between the hours of 11:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m.
Liturgy
The Book of Common Prayer is the standard for weddings at the Chapel of the Cross.
One of the parish clergy officiates at the service.
If the couple desires, a priest from another parish or a minister of another denomination may assist. The invitation to assist will be issued by the officiating priest.
The wedding service should be planned to ensure maximum participation by the congregation. It is desirable for lay persons to read the lessons (except for the Gospel at a Eucharist) and to lead the prayers.
The Wedding Coordinator
The Wedding Coordinator assists the clergy and staff at the Chapel of the Cross in planning and coordinating preparations for all weddings taking place at the Chapel of the Cross or performed by the Chapel of the Cross clergy outside of our facility.
She confers with wedding couples to make them aware of policies and fees for weddings at the Chapel of the Cross; to act as liaison for couples with the clergy, organist/choirmaster, publications editor, altar guild flower chairperson, photographer and/or videographer; and to insure timely compliance with the requirements for licenses, permissions and fees.
She will be present at the rehearsal and wedding.
Please contact the church office directly first to enquire about your wedding (929-2193) and a wedding coordinator will be assigned to you.
Arrangements for music should be made with the organist/choirmaster of the parish whose approval is required for all music and musicians used in the service. The couple should contact him 3 months prior to the wedding. The selections of music should follow the standards for music in a public worship service.
It is expected that the organist or his designee will provide the music.
The organ may be augmented by other instruments, if desired. Such arrangements, including the hiring of other musicians, need to be made by the organist.
Solo vocal music is not customary, but may be considered. This should also be approved by the organist.
Music is not required for a wedding ceremony.
Flowers
All wedding flowers are arranged by members of the Altar Guild in the two altar vases. An additional arrangement may be placed under the window in the church's tower room. No other stationary flowers or decorations are used.
Flowers that have been donated for regular Sunday services may be used for the wedding with no charge.
A couple may choose to provide special honorarium wedding flowers for a fee of $40.00 for the chapel and $75.00 for the church. These should be coordinated through University Florist.
Brides may also select flowers from a florist of her choice and at her expense. Detailed information about wedding flowers is available from the parish wedding coordinator.
Flowers used on the altar may not be taken for a reception.
After use on Sunday, flowers are taken in small bouquets to the sick.
Service Leaflet
A bulletin listing the order of the service and the participants may be used.
The parish office will ordinarily print the leaflet.
A bulletin form will be completed with the officiating priest.
The parish publications assistant should be consulted no later than 2 weeks before the ceremony about format and proofing of the service leaflet.
If the service leaflet is to be printed elsewhere, a draft should be submitted to the priest officiating at the wedding before the leaflet is printed.
Photography
Photography is not permitted during the service except for one or two time exposures taken from the back of the church or chapel by the professional photographer.
Relatives and friends should be reminded of this policy.
Photographs may be scheduled before or after the service for a period of 20-30 minutes.
Photography sessions should be completed 40 minutes prior to the service.
The service may be video-taped if permission of the officiating priest has been obtained in advance. There are a limited number of locations for video cameras that will not interfere with the nature of the worship service.
The couple is responsible for informing photographers of these policies.
Rehearsal
The rehearsal is led by the officiating priest with the assistance of the parish's wedding coordinator.
It is usually held the day before the wedding and should begin promptly at the appointed hour.
Everyone with a specific role in the service is expected to attend.
Receptions
Receptions are held infrequently at the Chapel of the Cross, but, the dining room, parlor, and kitchen are available for such use. In good weather, the courtyard and cloister may be used. No alcoholic beverages may be served or consumed at the Chapel of the Cross without specific permission of the rector.
Receptions at the Chapel of the Cross require the services of a sexton who will be responsible for setting up tables and chairs according to the directions of the bride and for clean-up (putting away tables, sweeping, etc.) after the reception. He will wash dishes and punch bowls owned by the parish. The couple is responsible for food preparation and clean-up, and washing of all other dishes in order to leave the facilities ready for Sunday services.
Persons planning receptions should remember that other activities continue to occur in the parish house. Families, caterers, or members of the bridal party leaving food or equipment in advance of a reception do so at their own risk.
Parking
The parish parking lot, including the semi-circular drive, is available for wedding parking.
Spaces reserved for the parish staff should be respected.
If a wedding is scheduled for a university football game day, it may be necessary to "buy" the parking lot. Proceeds from game day parking are used to generate funds for the Student Mission Fund.
Housekeeping
The members of the wedding party and guests are responsible for seeing that all rooms used in the parish house are left in clean and orderly condition.
License
The wedding license is obtained from the Orange County Court House in Hillsborough, NC, or from any other North Carolina county seat.
For information about license requirements, call the Register of Deeds at (919) 967-9251.
The license (and fees) should be delivered to the parish office at least the Monday prior to the wedding.
Costs
A thank-offering is made to the discretionary fund of the staff priest who officiates at the wedding. The amount should be a tithe of the total cost of the wedding and reception or a minimum of $500.00.
The organist's fee is $250. If arrangement of, or rehearsal with, instrumentalists or soloists is required, the fee is increased.
The parish wedding fee is $300.00
The sexton's fee for receptions is $100.00 for tasks described previously. Additional tasks may be requested for a fee of $10.00 per hour.
Separate checks, made out to the Chapel of the Cross, should be written for each of the costs. They should be labeled with the names of the bride and groom and the cost being covered. Examples of memo-line notations are listed below:
Smith/Jones wedding, Sexton fee (when applicable for receptions)
Checks are due in the parish office at the time the wedding license is delivered.
No one should be discouraged from planning a wedding at the Chapel of the Cross because of financial reasons. Please discuss financial arrangements with the clergy.
Checklist
Parish wedding coordinator consulted
Organist consulted
License obtained
Marriage counseling and Preparation for Marriage Workshop completed.
Other wedding participants notified of customs of the Chapel of the Cross, and date and time of wedding and rehearsal
Service leaflet information delivered two weeks prior to wedding date and proofed no later than Monday before the wedding.
License and fees delivered to parish office at least the Monday prior to the wedding.
O God, you have so consecrated the covenant of marriage that in it is represented the spiritual unity between Christ and his Church: Send therefore your blessing upon these your servants, that they may so love, honor, and cherish each other in faithfulness and patience, in wisdom and true godliness, that their home may be a haven of blessing and peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.
