Dear Parents of those in the treacherous valley of adolescence,

The one issue that seems to create the most conflict between adults about their children is the tattling issue. Over the years I have heard parents berate their children for tattling or “ratting” or being a “narc” often assuming that the consequences of such behavior will be far more devastating than anything anybody could be doing. I have had parents call me anonymously about someone else’s child while refusing to see the board in their own child’s eye. I have had parents who know something about someone else’s child that is potentially devastating or life threatening and refusing to tell them because they don’t want to be the messenger

We spend a lot of time in our communities of EYC (Episcopal Youth Community) and Youth Inquirers Class talking about how what one of us does affects us all, on occasion going so far as to say that if you know it’s happening and you don’t tell an adult you, too, are endangering all of us. While that might sound harsh when it comes to sneaking out in the middle of the night in a dangerous city or going swimming without supervision or ingesting something less than wholesome, should something happen, the entire community will suffer. Sometimes the messenger does get clobbered; it’s human nature. At the same time we are our brother and sister’s keeper, and God has placed us in community together for precisely that purpose; many of us do it better than one alone.

Encourage your children to tell you if something is going on that makes them uncomfortable. Then trust yourself with that information, asking yourself, “If my child was doing this or going through that, would I want to know?” If in doubt, call one of the clergy. There isn’t much we haven’t heard or seen or maybe even done ourselves!
- Tammy

The following is reprinted with permission from "GROUP" magazine.

So you’re having the usual heart-to-heart conversations with your preteen about drinking, smoking, drugs, and sex, but what are the topics you aren’t talking about that maybe you should? According to Melissa Chessher’s article “Let’s Talk” in "Parents" magazine (www.parents.com), here are five topics that parents and preteens shouldn’t ignore.

1. Peer pressure - As your child becomes more influenced by friends and classmates, be sure that your child knows the importance of his or her own value system.

2. Tolerance—As they experience new relationships, preteens begin to realize that not everyone is just like them, so take time to discuss the dangers of prejudice and stereotyping—for example, making assumptions about people based on race, religion, or appearance.

3. Teasing—Preteens tend to be embarrassed if they’re being bullied. And they may not even know that teasing others—even if they don’t intend harm—can be hurtful. Talking about teasing can surface otherwise buried emotions.

4. Body Language—Discussing image issues can give you a sense of how your child feels about his or her physical appearance. Make sure your child has a healthy outlook on ‘beauty.’

5. Tattling—Advise your preteen that it’s important to tell an adult when another person is doing something harmful. Let your child know that it’s okay to confide in you.