From the Rector

Dear Friends,

In this issue focusing on ministry to those who are being married, I want to say something about the role of the wedding homily. The Prayer Book allows for a homily to be preached at weddings or funerals, but it does not mandate it. (As to the difference between a sermon and a homily, some would say, “About ten or fifteen minutes!” In Prayer Book usage, however, “homily” tends to be used for special occasions like a wedding or a funeral.) Not all clergy always choose this option, but I invariably do for several reasons.

The first is that each wedding is a special time. It marks a momentous occasion when this man and this woman in response to God's grace vow themselves to one another in God's name until death parts them. In the presence of God and the community they seek God's blessing on their union, and indeed it is God who joins them together. While the liturgy of The Book of Common Prayer evokes a powerful sense of that sacred reality, the homily can also help to make that sacred mystery present in the midst of this specific congregation, gathered this one time for this unique occasion. The Rev. David Schlaffer in his book, What Makes This Day Special? Preaching Grace on Special Occasions, asserts “It is primarily in the sermon that those gathered will be pointed toward the mercy of God that is newly present on this particular day.”

The second reason and closely related to it, is that people tend to come to weddings (and funerals) with their hearts already open. Having a special relationship to the principals involved, they are already engaged in the deeper dimensions of the mystery of life and ready to hear it articulated in light of the Christian faith. Whether they attend church regularly or rarely darken the door, they present the preacher with a uniquely fruitful opportunity to proclaim the Gospel and connect it with people's lives. (It is roughly parallel to the depth of pastoral conversation almost immediately available with a patient in the hospital as compared to the ordinary level of discourse possible at the church door on Sunday.) A word aptly spoken on a special occasion is even more likely to remain close to the listener's consciousness than one from the regular routine of the liturgical year.

The third reason is that, frequently on such occasions, there is a story that cries out to be told and related to the Christian story or questions that are ruminating in people's minds: How can this marriage deepen and flourish in the midst of our society's values? Can this love prevail, especially in the face of different cultures or precarious health or different faiths? How can the Church be participating in this remarriage (after divorce)? What challenges face this newly blended family (of several children)? An attentive preacher can often speak fitting words of hope or joy or forgiveness.

I count preaching at weddings and other special occasions such as ordinations and funerals among the greatest of privileges of ordained ministry. To be entrusted with the sacred task of articulating the mystery of God at work among us, especially at major turning points of individuals' lives, is a humbling honor and a life-giving challenge. I hope that here at the Chapel of the Cross those who gather as congregations for these unique occasions find their faith nourished and their vision widened.

- Stephen

Vestry Actions—July 17, 2003

At its July meeting, the vestry:

• Approved the nomination of Patrick Phelan to the Personnel Committee
• Accepted with gratitude the generous gift from Peg MacDonald of $25,000, of which $20,000 is designated for the principal of the James Fund and $5,000 is designated to assist with the red needlepoint kneelers in the chapel
• Accepted the parish's full 2004 Diocesan Share (formerly Diocesan Asking) in the amount of $161,999
• Approved the 2004 campus ministry diocesan budget request projecting a total campus ministry budget of $133,379, of which $63,945 is requested from the diocese, with $69,434 to be borne by the parish
• Authorized the senior warden to dispose of the cars used by the Johnson Intern Program and make the proceeds available to benefit the Johnson Intern Program
• Acknowledged and discussed a letter from a parishioner concerned about the parish's contributions to a study of the death penalty.

From the Senior Warden

Dear Parishioners,

Recently, questions have arisen about our parish's involvement, including financial, with the proposed moratorium on the death penalty in North Carolina.

To sum up our role, the vestry in October 1999 endorsed enactment of a moratorium on capital punishment in North Carolina until a study could be done on the equity of the death penalty and its application in North Carolina. In 2000, the vestry provided $25,000 for a study by the UNC School of Law on administration of the death penalty in North Carolina. This year, at the May vestry meeting, we agreed to provide another $5,000 to $8,000 for a follow-up study. We also voted to provide $10,000 to People of Faith Against the Death Penalty, the main advocacy group seeking an end to capital punishment in North Carolina and a moratorium on its use. One of our Johnson Interns for the coming year will work for People of Faith as part of his service commitment under the program. The funding in 2000 and this year comes entirely from two large gifts made to the parish by a parishioner who asked that these amounts go for the designated death penalty uses.

It is always a delicate matter for churches to take on issues of the times, because by taking any kind of position we run the risk of offending members of our congregation who hold different viewpoints. But I think it is the responsibility of the Church to provide leadership in addressing the moral issues of our day. That is certainly the case with the death penalty. It is a matter on which many of us may disagree, but it is an issue of moral dimensions on which it is appropriate for the Church to take a position.

Our reasoning is this: Our baptismal covenant calls on us to respect the dignity of every human being and to commit ourselves to strive for justice and peace among all people. There is continuing evidence that the death penalty is applied unjustly in the United States and in North Carolina. The 2001 UNC study, which we helped fund, found that the likelihood of receiving the death penalty is affected by race of the victim. The study looked at all 4,000 cases of homicide in North Carolina in the years 1993-1997 and found that defendants whose victims were white were 3.5 times more likely to receive the death penalty than those whose victims were non-white.

We have ample cause for our involvement. The Episcopal Church on at least five occasions has adopted resolutions opposing capital punishment, including one in 1999 that “urges the provinces, dioceses, parishes, missions and individual members of this Church to engage in serious study on the subject of capital punishment and work actively to abolish the death penalty in their states.” Our diocese of North Carolina, through its annual convention, has several times upheld this position, and the last three bishops of the diocese have gone on record opposing the death penalty.

The Chapel of the Cross has taken an active leadership role in this effort. The ground-breaking UNC study that we funded has been cited in The New York Times, The Washington Post and other national media. State Senator Ellie Kinnaird, a parishioner, was the chief sponsor of the moratorium legislation that passed the state Senate this year, and we're hopeful that it passes the House next year. Vestry member Dick Taylor, executive director of the N.C. Academy of Trial Lawyers, is a leader of the legislative lobbying effort.

I would like to make clear that none of the funding that is going to the death penalty activity comes from parishioners' pledges. The contributions in 2000 and again this year came from one parishioner who stated his desire that the funding go for capital punishment work. Those amounts were part of larger gifts that support many other missions of the parish.

The vestry considers it important that we communicate openly with the parish about these matters of potential controversy. We welcome your comments and input, via mail,
e-mail, telephone, or otherwise.

Yours in Christ,

Ted Vaden

Senior Warden

People of Faith Against the Death Penalty
www.pfadp.org

Episcopal Church USA
www.episcopalchurch.org

The Rector's Remarks at Services on August 3, 2003

The following are remarks made by the Rev. Stephen Elkins-Williams during services at the Chapel of the Cross on August 3, 2003, in light of the then-pending decision of General Convention about approving the election of the Rev. V. Gene Robinson as Bishop of New Hampshire.

I had an email exchange with a lay person in our diocese this week. He had sent out a message concerned about what the General Convention might do, titled “The lines are drawn.” I understood several of his concerns, but I wrote back asking for further understanding of one of his statements. He had written, “It would appear that the Diocese of New Hampshire has decided that its own will means more than the Scripture, and through Scripture, the Will of God.” My response was, “Many times throughout history the Church has redefined its understanding of scripture in light of changing circumstances and understandings. One of the more recent is the pastoral accommodation on divorce. Although Jesus explicitly condemns remarriage after divorce, the Episcopal Church now allows not only its lay people but its clergy, including bishops, to be remarried after divorce. Yet I do not hear anyone claiming that the General Convention 'has decided that its own will means more than the Scripture ... and the Will of God.'”

He wrote back acknowledging the inconsistency and the fact that he had lived through his mother's divorce and remarriage. I replied back to him in part:

“My sense is that often divisive moral questions get resolved when enough people finally put a human face on them. An abstract issue (which is not a pejorative term for me, a philosophy major!) is one thing; human beings deeply involved in the issue are another. Enough people, like yourself, lived through the consequences of a divorce and knew the importance of allowing people to try and rebuild their lives through remarriage with the Church's blessing; so the Church revised its understanding of how to uphold the truths and values proclaimed by scripture.

“I think many people resolved the issue of women as priests in the same way. Abstractly, they weren't sure of how to deal with all the issues, but once they experienced this woman and that woman as truly priests for them, it was not a real question anymore.

“I suspect we will resolve the issue of homosexuality along these lines. Without setting aside the proclamation of scripture, more and more of us will experience the genuine faith and fruitfulness of gay couples and of gay clergy who do faithfully mediate God's love, and it won't be an abstract issue for us any longer.

“Some would dismiss that as humanistic moral relativism. But I think Christianity is in a very basic sense a person-oriented faith. God did not simply reveal laws and abstract principles to us. The Triune God ultimately revealed the Divine love for us through the person of Jesus. God's love and grace was made real in our midst in this human and divine person, and while that is uniquely true in Jesus as in no one else, we also see and love and learn about God through other human persons, who are created in God's image.

“I do not know Gene Robinson but, with this understanding, I do have some sense of why the people of the diocese of New Hampshire, after having witnessed his years of significant and faithful ministry among them, would ask to have him serve as their bishop.

Whatever the outcome of the Convention on this question, I hope it will help us all grow in awe of and attentiveness to the work of the three person God among us.”

Discerning A Call to Marriage

Victoria Jamieson-Drake, Assistant for Pastoral Ministries

Twenty-two years ago today, August 8, David and I were married. Eleven months prior to that we had met at Yale Divinity School. It was David's final year of seminary and my first. Steeped in our seminary training, we approached the prospect of marriage (if rather speedily) very prayerfully, asking God's guidance. We also consulted with our seminary community, family, and friends as we sought clarity in discerning a call to marriage. Henri Nouwen, who was on the faculty at the time, had us for breakfast one morning to encourage us to take our time, saying, by way of example, that before making final vows in a religious order, an individual takes six years of prayerful discernment. To balance this advice, my grandmother weighed in (from Ohio) with her own opinion. She was opposed to long engagements, believing they were too hard on the couple! It is needless to say that we followed my grandmother's advice and were married that summer.

Though we didn't take six years of discernment before marrying, we did take Henri's counsel to heart. The methods of discernment taught in religious orders to clarify vocation are applicable in the process of discerning a call to marriage as well as other life decisions. The process is both individual and communal; the internal sense of call is confirmed by one's faith community.

In their book, Eyes to See, Ears to Hear: An Introduction to Ignatian Spirituality (Traditions of Christian Spirituality) authors David Lonsdale and Philip Sheldrake write about a method of spiritual discernment. “Discernment of spirits in everyday life involves us in a process of sifting our daily experiences by noting and reflecting regularly on our affective responses to God and to life and its events. It means noting, for example, situations and events in which we experience joy or sorrow, peace or turmoil, attractions or revulsions, an opening out to others or a narrowing in on ourselves, a sense of God's presence or absence, creativity or destructiveness. The purpose of observing and reflecting on these patterns of responses is that they deepen our sense of ourselves and they can show us where, for each of us, our Christian path lies, where the Spirit of God is leading.” (p. 95)

In Let Your Life Speak, Parker Palmer emphasizes that the first step in the process of discernment is to know oneself, one's nature, as created by a loving God, accepting both one's limitations and gifts. These examples help us discover who we are. When are you most at peace, most joyful, most open to others, most aware of God's grace? In the movie Chariots of Fire, one of the characters, a son of a Scottish Presbyterian minister, tries to explain to his father his sense of vocation as a runner. His father could not understand this passion that eventually would lead him to a spot on the British Olympic Team. After extended attempts to explain himself, he finally says, “When I run, I can feel God's pleasure.” This is a good measure, confirmation of the Spirit's delight. When we live as the people we're divinely created to be, God smiles.

Secondary to knowing oneself, then, is to answer what life choices support you in being true to God's purpose. And because we are people in community, how will your life choices impact others? The question of whether or not to marry is part of this secondary process. Would marriage enable you to live authentically as the person God created? Would marriage strengthen you in your life in Christ, help you be a better disciple?

To answer these questions, one must also consider what marriage entails. The Prayer Book describes marriage as, “The union of husband and wife, in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in
prosperity and adversity; and when it is God's will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord.” It is a commitment between a man and a woman to love, honor, care for, and be faithful to one another as long as they both shall live.

When discerning whether or not to marry, one must contemplate all aspects of marriage and the commitment required. Does imagining oneself in these roles bring a sense of peace and of joy, an inner confirmation of God's pleasure? Through this relationship are you and your marriage partner more open to God and better able to “reach out in love and concern to others” (marriage liturgy, The Book of Common Prayer, p. 229). Is the rightness of your relationship affirmed by your community of faith and by those who know and love you best? Does your relationship not only bless you but others?

As you contemplate marriage or any other of life's daunting decisions, remember that you are sustained by the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit who “working in us, can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine.”

Weddings at the Chapel of the Cross

Mike Shea

The flowers are perfect, the music inspiring, and the bride, radiant. It's the sort of wedding memory that families cherish forever.

Weddings at the Chapel of the Cross are a mix of traditional outward trappings of liturgical ceremony and the serious business of preparation for a spiritual sacrament.

Not every couple who wishes to be married here qualifies. The church building is not open to the public for rent. According to the Rector Stephen Elkins-Williams, “We're not that legalistic about it, but there needs to be a connection, that is, a good reason to be married at the Chapel of the Cross.” Qualifications include such things as family being communicants, an intention to join the church, or being an active Episcopalian elsewhere but needing the wedding to take place in Chapel Hill.

Once it's determined a couple may qualify to be married at the Chapel of the Cross, preparation begins. A meeting with the priest chosen to officiate takes place and plans for several counseling sessions about the nature and purpose of Holy Matrimony are arranged. Twice a year, a weekend workshop on “Preparing for Marriage” is held. Couples are encouraged to participate. In situations where one partner-to-be is not an Episcopalian but may wish to join the church, “Inquirers Classes” may be taken. All of this according to Stephen Elkins-Williams is important, “Being married in the Church is much more than simply being married in the building; it means being married within the community of faith.”

Because wedding ceremonies take place in the midst of the normal liturgical year where the church and the chapel are committed to many ongoing services, agreeing on a date can be a problem. Many couples plan a year in advance. There are 30 to 40 weddings a year, on average, at the Chapel of the Cross. More than 90 percent take place on Saturdays, and most couples want ceremonies between Easter and the end of August. That means it's not unusual to have two weddings per Saturday and occasionally three on the same day. All of which necessitates close coordination.

The important job of running interference and making sure everything comes together at the right time and in the right way falls to one of the three wedding coordinators. After a wedding coordinator is assigned to a couple, she follows up as liaison between clergy and staff, details such things as policies for flowers and photographers, handles fees, and ensures compliance with permissions and licenses.

The bride and groom arrange appropriate music, if desired, with Dr. Wylie Quinn, church organist-choirmaster. They also consult with the officiating priest to select appropriate scriptures to be read by lay reader guests.

A rehearsal usually takes place the afternoon or evening preceding the wedding. Anyone with a significant role takes part. Stephen Elkins-Williams says, “there are no superstitions here, such as stand-ins for the bride. We have them practice until everyone feels comfortable, and as a result they are less nervous and everything goes better the next day.” Eucharist can be celebrated at weddings. Occasionally, Holy Eucharist may be held during the rehearsal instead of during the actual ceremony if, for example, a large number of guests, will be of a non-Christian faith, and the Sacrament might become a symbol of disunity rather than unity.

The ceremony takes place the next day. If fewer than 100 guests are expected it is often held in the chapel. Larger weddings are accommodated in the main church. Ceremonies follow the liturgy in The Book of Common Prayer.

Not to be overlooked, following the ceremony it is necessary to register the marriage with civil authorities. “It is the minister's responsibility,” says Elkins-Williams. “We wear both State and Church hats with the weddings that we do.”

For more information about planning weddings at the Chapel of the Cross, go to the web page, www.thechapelofthecross.org, and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page, “Before Planning A Wedding”.

Marriage Preparation Workshop

Ann Baker and Mike Lienesch

Preparing for marriage: anyone who has been married knows that nothing can totally prepare us for the joys, challenges, and unknowns of marriage. However, the value of marriage preparation counseling has been increasingly recognized in recent years, and the Chapel of the Cross, along with many other churches, has continued to revise and enrich its ministry to couples seeking to be married here. All couples are required to meet with a priest to talk about themselves, their relationship, and their wedding plans. Some may do all their preparation with the priest, but most will be invited to participate in a marriage preparation workshop, usually offered at the church in the spring and the fall on a Friday night and Saturday. The workshop allows engaged couples to meet other couples and reduces the heavy demands on the clergy for individual counseling.

Those who come to a workshop may find themselves talking with each other about whether to move to another state for a new job, comparing notes with six or eight other engaged couples about how to handle Christmas visits with two families, and listening to a husband and wife married for many years describe how they reconnect after an argument. The workshop is usually led by two married couples; one is a clergy couple and the other often includes a professional counselor. Many workshops have been led in recent years by Vicky and David Jamieson-Drake and Mike Lienesch and Ann Baker.

The format is a series of exercises that stress communication skills and focus on families of origin and their impact on ideas of marriage, communicating positive and negative feelings, dealing with conflicts, and reflecting on the sacrament of marriage. The couples read the vows together, and the group discusses the meaning of the beautiful and powerful words of the marriage covenant. The format alternates private conversation between partners with group discussion in a warm and relaxed atmosphere. The leaders are open with their own rewarding and humbling experiences of marriage. (Indeed, over the years a few stories have become classics -- for example, Mike and Ann's banana story.)

Many couples are in their twenties, have often been together for some time, and are living busy lives with demanding career or graduate school schedules. The topics they raise include personality differences (such as a neat freak marrying a messy partner), trying to fit two careers together, planning for children, or fears stemming from their own parents' divorce. Sometimes an older couple or one planning a second marriage add their own perspective.

Feedback from the participants is generally very positive. They like the combination of private couple time and group discussion and appreciate the chance to listen to the leaders' insights gleaned from years of married life. The workshop concludes with an emphasis on marriage as an ongoing shared calling, that begins with the wedding but needs regular loving attention over the couple's life together. One of the gifts we as leaders receive from this ministry is the chance at each workshop to revisit and strengthen our own marriage vows.

The next Marriage Preparation Workshop is scheduled for September 12-13. If you are interested in attending, please email the Rev. Victoria Jamieson-Drake at vjd@thechapelofthecross.org.

Wedding Music

Van Quinn, Organist-Choirmaster

“The voice that breathed o'er Eden, That earliest wedding day,

The primal marriage blessing, It hath not passed way.”

“O promise me that someday you and I will take our love together to some sky…”

“When I'm calling you —oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ou, will you answer true —oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ue?”

“Here comes the bride…(here fill in some rude rhyme!)”

Among the changing fashions of religious and social life are the traditions and adornments of what the Prayer Book used to call “The Solemnization of Matrimony.” The near-apoplectic shock that Richard Wagner's granddaughter is said to have felt when she heard the dirge-like “Elsa's March” from Lohengrin played at a wedding in a New York church in the 1930s would rarely be felt in an Episcopal church today. The romantic ballads and operatic transcriptions have largely gone the way of big hats, potted palms, and white carpets. In their place one is more likely to hear J.S. Bach's “Jesu, joy of man's desiring,” music by Handel or Telemann, and the ubiquitous “Trumpet Voluntary” by Jeremiah Clarke (a.k.a. “The Prince of Denmark's March,” or “Purcell's Trumpet Voluntary.”)

While local tastes and practices may vary, there is a renewed sense of seriousness about weddings as liturgies of the church. A full-scale marriage liturgy could include as many as three biblical readings, a psalm, one or more hymns, and a homily. The entire service is structured to become, if one chooses, an integral part of a Eucharist, complete with proper preface to the Sanctus and a special postcommunion prayer. A remarkable series of prayers takes the exchange of life-promises far beyond the realm of sentimental ceremonial into the eternity of God, lifting all present into that great unbroken fellowship of the living and the dead where nothing really matters except faith, hope, and love.

In planning a wedding at the Chapel of the Cross, we want all of the details of the service (the decorations, the music, the ceremonial) all to serve the same high purpose of all our liturgies — the worship of God and the eternal edification of all who participate. While we want joyful participation in the service and vivid memories that will last a lifetime, we don't want the serenity and integrity of the service broken by photography or the worshipful jubilation of the procession out of the church destroyed by applause. Extravagantly beautiful flowers are a wonderful way to glorify God and draw us all into his perfect beauty, but we want the church always to look like an Episcopal church and not the hanging gardens of Babylon. Meaningful ceremonial in the Episcopal Church is always a powerful, embodied way of bringing eternal truths to life. “Decently and in order,” however, doesn't mean fussy and unnatural formality or the multiplication of little rituals that impede rather than promote the theological and devotional intentions of our liturgy. If there is music it should be exuberant and soulful, both glorifying God and leading us more deeply into His presence. But not all music can do this in a liturgical context. Much music, even music that could be called “great” or “classical” is more appropriate to a reception or a wedding ceremony (as opposed to a liturgy) that takes place in a secular context such as a hotel ballroom or a garden.

Many people wish to be married at the Chapel of the Cross, some with deep ties to the parish and others with tenuous connections at best. In planning their weddings we aspire to the same integrity and beauty that we hope would characterize all of our liturgies. I hope we do better pastorally than simply to offer “our way or the highway” and that we are attuned to the different nuances of each situation. We do, however, insist on a high standard for weddings, not out of snobbery or pride, but in the humble conviction born out of our experience here that, when God is glorified in worship, when eternal truths are put forward with power and conviction, when beautiful things are uplifted and cherished, when intellectual and moral passions are stirred, when we are nourished at the Lord's Table, then lives are changed forever and souls are formed by God's grace into the image of Christ. Perhaps more than in any other of life's 'rites of passage,' isn't this what we want a wedding to be?

Wedding Liturgies

Stephen Elkins-Williams

The variety of wedding liturgies at the Chapel of the Cross is striking. It arises not only out of the two worship spaces available to us — the smaller, warmer, and more intimate chapel and the larger and more majestic church — but also out of the circumstances of the couples and the congregations they gather around them. While the framework of the service is common to all our weddings (The Book of Common Prayer, p. 423), the flesh and blood put on this skeleton can be very different.

Contrast several weddings here just in the past few months. One was an overflowing church in the evening with formal dress, the organ leading the congregation in thunderous praise of God. Another was less than twenty people in the chapel gathered just outside the communion rail with no music used and the scripture lessons read by family members. Yet another in the church had a high degree of
university student involvement and utilized guitar accompaniment to a favorite folk hymn as well as the organ and trumpet for others from The Hymnal 1982. Still another wedding involved the sacrament of Holy Communion for the whole congregation, and the newly married couple ended their procession out by walking under a military sword arch just outside the church door.

The constant for Chapel of the Cross weddings (even for those rare ones celebrated off the church grounds) remains the words and actions of “The Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage,” in the Prayer Book. But the clergy and staff help each couple to implement that common liturgy in ways appropriate to their particular circumstances.

Wedding Coordinators

Lynne Burns, Chief Wedding Coordinator

The wedding coordinator positions at the Chapel of the Cross have been in existence since fall 2000, growing out of a necessity to help coordinate the efforts of the clergy, altar guild, organist, and bridal couple. Three wedding coordinators share the responsibilities and take rotating assignments throughout the year. After assignments have been made, contact with the bride is initiated. If possible, when working with a bride who lives locally, meetings can happen in person rather than on the phone, so the bride and the coordinator know each other on a more personal level.

Initial meetings help answer questions, clarify church policies, and describe expectations of what will happen during the rehearsal and ceremony. Follow-up contacts help the bride keep track of a checklist, (contacting the organist, publications editor, license and fees drop off, etc.). Finally, during the wedding weekend, the coordinator assists the clergy with the rehearsal, helping everyone through the 'dry run' of walking down the aisle, and finalizing plans to meet the bride the next day at the church. Some brides come up to two hours before the ceremony time, so the coordinator is there to show them changing rooms, bathrooms, and begin preparation for the service. Photographers and videographers are apprised of church policies through the coordinator as well. After the ceremony, the coordinator assists with the efforts of the photographer to get pictures finished, cleans the pews, cleans the parlor and any other areas used by the bridal party, and then locks up the church after the last person is gone.

Now, Murphy's Law usually enters the picture during the wedding weekend, so a coordinator has to be able the handle unexpected situations—such as the groomsmen showing up late while guests are waiting to be seated, a father of the bride who has not yet arrived at the church and all the bridesmaids have made their walk down the aisle, or the unexpected loss of air-conditioning during Friday afternoon rehearsal on a holiday weekend that has everyone sweating bullets. Most miscues are temporary in nature, but to a bride on her wedding weekend, the problems take on a weighty quality. So, dealing with Murphy's Law means the wedding coordinator has to have a few tricks up her sleeve to let the brides know all will be taken care of and there is nothing for them to worry about.

Staying Married—Episcopal Marriage Encounter

Teddy Lovejoy

If you are wondering what marriage encounter is, first I'll tell you what it is not. It is not psychotherapy. It's purpose is not corrective, nor rehabilitative. Nor is it in-depth probing of your relationship. Most of us would shy away from that, and with good reason. Putting one's relationship under a microscope would take all the fun out of it and make all of us nervous wrecks. Marriage encounter is also not confrontational. It is not within the “Encounter” movements that were aggressive, attacking forms of group self-discovery back in the 1980s and some say still exist in Seattle! Getting you all mixed up like that would not serve constructive purposes.

And Episcopal marriage encounter is not an attempt to set you straight about your religion. Rather, within the context of our faith, marriage encounter provides an experience in interpersonal couple dialogue. Its spirit is in the faith that, as God loves us, so shall we love one another. For one weekend you and your spouse are guided in the process of exchanging letters written to each other about selected topics, a process which all couples on the weekend simultaneously participate in. You also are given questions that you are to pose and answer to each other. In dialogue you speak and listen to each other, posing and answering the same questions. You do all of this within the privacy of your hotel room. Periodically you meet as a group with the couple leaders (in our case it was four couple leaders), persons who have been trained to lead marriage encounter. In these meetings dialogue principles are discussed and you are shown how other couples would enter into these questions. An important rule we learned is that no question or answer was to be considered silly or without merit. We also participated in prayer together during these meetings. Your ultimate goal is to know one another more deeply.

This certainly happened for Tom and me. It wasn't that I learned anything new about Tom, but I came away with a deeper appreciation for who he is, the person within, as separate from the person I live with who takes out the garbage and keeps me informed daily about the national and international political scene. Our emotional connection was deepened as was our respect for one another, and I came away feeling that this was as God wanted us to be.

On our particular weekend, the opportunity to speak with other couples was short-lived. It occurred mainly at meal times. We learned that there were couples participating in marriage encounter who had been married for many years and couples who had only been recently married. One such newly wed couple, I remember in particular, struck me as most impressive! Each of them had divorced parents, and this couple wanted to be especially sensitive to how to deepen their mutual understanding at the outset, hoping to be able to avoid the failures they had witnessed. This is why they had attended the weekend.

At the end of the weekend, there was a ceremony that brought together in summary all that we had done. Again we prayed together. It was a joyful ceremony during which couples who had been to previous marriage encounter weekends were present in a surprise ending. We recommend Episcopal Marriage Encounter to all who wish to deepen a really personal and spiritual connection with your mate. You need to plan for it in advance, set aside the time, finish the work beforehand, make child-care arrangements, get a pet-sitter, and go!

Reflections on the Chapel of the Cross

Lonnie London - as told to Charlie Browning

This article begins a series devoted to Reflections on Stewardship. Throughout the coming year, members of the parish will share their experiences and reflect on what the Chapel of the Cross means to them. We are especially blessed to begin the series with an article from one of our most esteemed and respected long-time parishioners.

Lawrence Foushee London, Sr., “Lonnie” to so many of us, has been a member of the Chapel of the Cross for 67 years. He spoke with enthusiasm as he recounted his experiences over many years, reflecting on what the Chapel of the Cross has meant to him and his family.

I was born in the neighboring town of Pittsboro in 1908, went to school there through the 10th grade, and then attended Virginia Episcopal School in Lynchburg for two years. I started classes at the University of North Carolina in the fall of 1927, receiving my undergraduate, master's and Ph.D. degrees. For 20 years, I was curator of the Rare Books Collection at UNC.

A very memorable occasion for me was, when as a 17-year-old lad, I sat in a pew with my father in the newly constructed church building at the Chapel of the Cross. It was May 1925, and my dad was a delegate to the Diocesan Convention that was held in Chapel Hill so the whole Convention could be a part of the consecration of the new church. I remember Bishop Joseph Blount Cheshire knocking on the front door to request entrance, an age-old symbolic act of the consecration service. It was my privilege to write a book on the life of Bishop Cheshire. It was published in 1941.

On August 29, 1936, Emily Dewey Mitchell and I were married at the Chapel of the Cross. Dewey and I had two sons, Lawrence Jr. and Alexander, and we moved shortly thereafter to our house on Hillsborough Street where I still live today. Both boys were baptized and confirmed at the Chapel of the Cross.

I guess that one can say that my experiences with our church and the Diocese were many and varied. In 1941 I headed the Every Member Canvass that had a goal of $6,000. I can look back with a chuckle now because we didn't make it. It wasn't funny then. I was on the vestry many times and served as senior warden when Peter James Lee was rector. In 1937, I was chosen historiographer for the Diocese of North Carolina and I served in that post for 50 years. During that time I was pleased to co-edit the book The Episcopal Church in North Carolina 1701-1959. Of all my experiences over the years, however, the one that still gives me the most pleasure was the bold move taken by the parish in 1952, when David Yates was rector, to give birth to a new congregation, the Church of the Holy Family.

If I were to sum it up, I would say that I'm grateful for the clergy and so many members of the congregation who have been my friends over these many years, Alfred S. Lawrence, David Yates, Tom Thrasher, Peter Lee, and Stephen Elkins-Williams have all been rectors through my life at the Chapel of the Cross.

It is indeed enjoyable to view the events that have taken place at the Chapel of the Cross during Lonnie's long lifetime, though only a few are related here. This grand southern gentleman has given countless hours to the church he loves, to the people he loves, and especially to the God he worships and loves. For Lonnie, stewardship has been a lifelong journey.

Charlie Browning

Schedule for the Celebration of 250 Years of Anglican/Episcopal Witness in Orange County

Friday, September 19
St. Matthew's, Hillsborough
6:00 p.m. Social and dinner (dinner reservations required, 919-732-9308)
7:30 p.m. Reflections on the Church and the Arts
Lee Smith and Michael Malone

Saturday, September 20
St. Mary's, Hillsborough
10:00 a.m. Morning Prayer, circa 1752
The Rev. Dr. Brooks Graebner & Dr. John Druesdow
The Colonial Church in America, in North Carolina, and in Orange County
Dr. John K. Nelson

Chapel of the Cross, Chapel Hill
2:00 p.m. The Church and the University
The Rev. Stephen Stanley, Dr. Paul Hardin, Prof. Ruel Tyson, Dr. Mike Lienesch
Church of the Holy Family, Chapel Hill

7:00 p.m. The Church and Race
The Rev. Brooks Graebner, Dr. Reginald Hildebrand, the Rev. Loren Mead, the Rev. Larnie Horton, the Rt. Rev. Michael Curry, and the Rev. Timothy Kimbrough

Sunday, September 21
Church of the Holy Family, Chapel Hill
5:00 p.m. Festival Eucharist and the Sending Forth of the new congregation for the Orange County Mission

The Anglican Church in Orange County— Its Beginnings

John Nelson

St. Matthew's Parish in Hillsborough traces its origins to the 1752 act of the North Carolina General Assembly that formed a new county — named “Orange” — out of portions of Granville, Johnston, and Bladen counties. Orange County (and St. Matthew's Parish whose boundaries matched the county's) was initially far more extensive than today's Orange. With widely dispersed rural settlements, North Carolina created large counties and parishes in order to include a population sufficient to support local governmental and religious institutions.

Organizing local government proved easier than establishing a parish in Orange County. Quakers, Presbyterians, Lutherans, German Reformed, and others with no religious affiliation predominated among the settlers of North Carolina's Piedmont region. Separate Baptist and later Methodist evangelists further complicated this religious pluralism and ethnic diversity, making the effort to launch an Anglican parish a formidable challenge. Moreover, these settlers associated Anglicanism with the eastern political elite, not just royal officials, but the gentry planters and merchants who controlled the Assembly and whose policies and actions were increasingly viewed in Orange and neighboring counties as corrupt, tyrannical, and unjust. Resistance in the form of the Regulator movement eventually moved beyond petition, political contests, and boycott to violence.

Orange County in the 1750s and 1760s offered anything but a promising site for planting an Anglican parish. Nonetheless, a start was made. The 1752 measure provided authorization and direction, but to translate intention into action required the identification and gathering of persons willing to join together to elect a vestry, contribute to the construction of a church or chapel, and to secure the services of a minister. The fledgling congregation secured land in 1759 and set about to build the chapel known as St. Mary's, a tangible sign of commitment that helped to secure a minister. For the latter and all-important step, the
Orange County Anglicans had no bishop, seminary, or diocesan structure to which they could turn but, fortunately, there was a vital source of assistance, the Society for the Propagation of the Gospel in Foreign Parts (S.P.G.). Chartered by William III in 1701, the S.P.G. tapped the energy and funds of zealous clergy and laity in the British Isles to foster the expansion overseas of the Church of England by recruiting clergy as missionaries and providing them with annual stipends. By this means, St. Matthew's Parish obtained its first minister, George Micklejohn in 1766 or 1767.

For more of all this and the opportunity to place St. Matthew's experience in the broader context of colonial Anglicanism (including reflections on the bizarre circumstance of no bishop in residence in colonial British America), come to St. Mary's Chapel west of Hillsborough on Saturday, September 20, at 10:00 a.m. Hope to see you all there.

St. Matthew's Episcopal Church
www.stmatthewshillsborough.org

Who Will Teach Our Children?

Gretchen S. Jordan

The parish is a partner with families in nurturing children in the life of faith. At infant baptism, we as parents and members of the faith community affirm our commitment to live into the baptismal covenant. Through words, music, stories, worship, educational activities, and faithful acts of service and witness, we learn and experience the meaning and reality of living the Christian faith. We all accept responsibility for our children when we engage in the service of Baptism.

Through our words and actions, our hospitality extended to families with children, our care of our facilities, our financial support, and shared leadership in programs we fulfill that commitment. Guidance to parents and opportunities with children and their families are offered in a variety ways. A brochure entitled “Children's Faith Formation” has been created and is available in the dining room. The brochure outlines many of the instructional, educational, and formational opportunities planned for the year.

As we approach the beginning of our Church School Program on September 7, I encourage all parishioners to review your commitment to children and consider how you may be more involved. One way to fulfill this commitment is to teach in church school or children's chapel or to help with an intergenerational event or outreach project. Teaching in church school can require as few as eight Sundays when you alternate responsibilities as part of a team of four. An excellent curriculum is provided. Leading children's chapel is one time per month during the 9:00 Eucharist. Helping with an intergenerational or outreach event can require as little as a few hours. A full listing of volunteer opportunities are posted on the church school bulletin board in the dining room or you may call me directly for further information.

Off to Roanoke

Stephen R. Stanley, Associate for Campus Ministry

Dear Parishioners,

I am writing my last CrossRoads article at a crossroads in my life, here in the chapel of the Cleveland International Airport. At this writing, I am returning from this year's tumultuous General Convention to a church that stands at the crossroads as well. God and Southwest Airlines have granted me a three-hour layover here, with time to pray and ponder about my new call to Christ Church, Roanoke, which I accepted last week. This airport interlude gives me a chance to pray, ponder, and remember the most productive and fulfilling years of my life, those spent with you in Chapel Hill.

I have a picture of myself (just beginning to gray) with Jackie and our kindergarten-bound Brian, taken at our first parish barbeque in 1990. That was also a crossroads time, a new decade, one that would end the 20th century and see so many changes in the world, the church, and our lives. It was a time before the campus center and other parish renovations; before there was church email and internet; before the sister parish relationship, the Cross of Nails community, the Johnson Intern Program; before taking pilgrimages and mission trips with students to Coventry, Canterbury, Costa Rica, Barbados, South Africa, and Ashe County. That barbeque day came before Kerygma and unnumbered Inquirers' Classes, forums, and campus seminars. At that time, there was not yet a Campus Minister's Association, or a 150th Anniversary Celebration, or a Three Bishops' Forum. There was not an embezzlement, or a broken shoulder, or Jackie's cancer, or Brian's chest surgery, or Hurricane Fran, and no one dreamed that 9/11 would be more than another September day. No one could have predicted that three (count 'em) Carolina basketball coaches would be retired in 13 years, as well as two diocesan bishops and two U.S. presidents. We could not have forecast the first African-American bishop in the South or the first openly gay bishop elected in the Church. We did not know if Y2K would bring an apocalyptic end to the century, or if Michael Jordan's retirement would bring a similar end to pro basketball as we know it.

But what did we know on that first barbeque day? We Stanleys knew that we had been unexpectedly called from a small parish in Gastonia to one of the great parishes and campus ministries of the Church. We knew that our rector had chosen us and entrusted our life and ministry into your care, as well as his own. We already knew that worship would stand at the center of it all. We knew that we would learn and grow and love and be loved in ways we could not have imagined. When I began, one elder of the diocese called me the “new campus boy.” Well, I am not “new” as I approach 54, and have become an “old boy” as you can see. But I hope that you can see that you have offered this “old campus boy” your best and you have challenged and inspired me to offer mine, in good times and in bad. We have been a family together in God's home, and no words can express our loss in saying goodbye to such incredible parishioners, students, and community friends. But we follow the One who called us all here. Here we have no permanent home, as scripture reminds. Our home is the journey with Christ, and He has blessed us in His present as well as His continuing call. Now it's an upward call to the Appalachian High Country, to which I bade farewell over 25 years ago. Christ Church, Roanoke. has a long history too and will challenge me in leading its community outreach and adult education and in serving its rector, Deborah Hunley (one of the first women ordained in 1977). I will be Christ Church's Associate Rector and serve Bishop Powell in some duties in the Diocese of Southwestern Virginia as well. Jackie will continue in education and community service. Brian will begin some special studies in graphics and animation. We will be only two and a half hours away, but in many ways, our hearts will remain here.

My prayer for you all is that you will treasure your life and ministry here as we have treasured our own. This is a parish that deserves such devotion. May God grant us the grace to “continue in the holy fellowship and do all such good works as He has prepared for us to walk in.” Pray for us, and keep our blessed Episcopal campus ministry students always in your hearts. As I 'graduate' from Chapel Hill after 13 years and prepare for my last parish barbeque, I know that I have learned the lessons of God's service and have been richly fed and loved in the faces and embraces of our students and all of you. Now it's time to board my next flight on my long journey home. Let us thank God for all that has served His will and will serve Him still in the crossroads yet to come.

Peace and Godspeed,

Stephen+ (Jackie and Brian) Stanley

Thompson Children's Home

It's back-to-school shopping time for the kids at Thompson Children's Home. You can help clothe a child by picking up a heart (or several) at the display in the dining room, shopping for that item, and returning it to the parish office by September 21st.

Thompson Children's Home is affiliated with the three Episcopal dioceses of North Carolina. Its residential treatment program provides a variety of healing ministries in a nurturing atmosphere for some of our most abused and neglected children. In most cases the courts have terminated parental rights. Thompson serves children from across the state of North Carolina who are in the care of departments of social services and mental health and receives no private referrals.

Thompson Children's Home regulations require that only new clothing, bed linens, and towels be donated for the residential psychiatric therapeutic treatment facility for children ages 6 to 12 years old. However 'gently-used' clothing is accepted for infants to 5-year-olds in Thompson's Day Care Child Development facilities.

Other needs include twin bed sheets, lightweight bedspreads (for girls), comforters (for boys), backpacks, school supplies, and sweaters (sizes 8 to 16 girls/boys - in navy for their school uniforms or bright colors for church and play).

For detailed information, call Carolyn Folds or Shannon Brownfield. Contact Molly McConnell, clotheachild@yahoo.com for assistance with shopping.

Financial contributions can also be made to “The Chapel of The Cross” with “ Rector's Discretionary Fund/Thompson Children's Home clothes” noted on the check.

Johnson Intern Program

Mary Agnes Rawlings

Johnson Interns
Arrive September 3

The fourth consecutive Johnson Intern Program Year begins September 3 when five diverse young adults arrive in Chapel Hill to begin their 10-month journey into Intentional Christian Community life. We hope you will take an opportunity to welcome the interns to the Chapel of the Cross. The 2003-2004 community consists of the following people:

Marsha Anderson, a Lutheran from Fayetteville, NC, recently graduated from Wake Forest College with a Bachelor of Science in both mathematics and Spanish. She has a deep desire to impact the lives of others. Marsha is discerning a call to ministry in the Lutheran Church and is interested in studying different forms of prayer and women's issues.

Sarah Donahue, from Tampa, Florida, is a recent graduate of Duke University, where she majored in engineering, mechanical engineering, and minored in religion. Sarah is interested in working with at-risk populations while discerning a call to ministry in the Lutheran Church. Sarah will have a placement at the Inter-Faith Council for Social Services.

Katie Healy, a Catholic from Canton, Connecticut, holds a Bachelor of Arts in vocal performance from Birmingham-Southern College in Birmingham, Alabama. Katie, a gifted musician, has vocational interest in the areas of liturgical studies and pastoral ministry. Katie will be working with Debbie Macarthy at the Augustine Project, a program that provides free tutoring to low income children and teens.

Tim Peterson, an Episcopalian from Atlanta, Georgia, graduated this past spring with a major in religion from Emory University. Tim is interested in all areas of community living and has dreams of one day starting an eco-friendly community building project with rural organic farmers. He is looking forward to a year of community living with others.

Chris Taylor, from Arlington, Virginia, has a passion for urban ministries and social justice. He has spent time doing mission work in inner city New York and lived in Johannesburg, South Africa, this summer while working at the US Embassy. Chris will be spending his vacation days working on White House sponsored diplomatic events that occur throughout the intern year.

The Johnson Interns will be commissioned to begin their year of service during the 11:15 a.m. worship service on September 7 and will be introduced at all services that day. We will host another 'pounding party' from 2-4 p.m. that same afternoon to welcome them to Chapel Hill. The pounding party is a great opportunity for parishioners to see the intern house and welcome them.

If your parish group or committee would like to learn more about the Johnson Intern experience or any other aspect of the Johnson Intern Program please contact me to arrange a presentation. One of the program goals for the current year is to increase the program's visibility and raise awareness of the significant work accomplished by Johnson Interns in our Chapel Hill community.

Johnson Intern Open House and Pounding Party!

September 7, 2003, 2 - 4 p.m.

Come meet the new Johnson Interns and celebrate the start of a new program year. 'Pounding parties' welcome new neighbors by bringing them a pound of something they might need in their new homes, i.e., a pound of sugar, a pound of flour, a pound of nails, a pound of ice cream ....

Directions to the Johnson Intern House from the Chapel of the Cross: Turn left onto Franklin Street. After passing Carr Mill Mall, turn right onto North Greensboro Street. Turn left onto Oak Street just before the traffic light at Estes Extension Road. The Johnson Intern House is on the left behindthe house at 504 Oak Street.

For additional information or suggestions about what to bring,
contact Mary Agnes Rawlings, marawlings@thechapelofthecross.org, 919-929-2193.

Washington National Cathedral Pilgrimage

October 24-26, 2003

Depart from the Chapel of the Cross at 5:00 p.m. arriving in DC at 10:00 p.m. Bring a sack dinner for the bus ride. We will return by 7:00 p.m. on Sunday evening.

Deluxe motor coach from the Chapel of the Cross to the doors of the College of Preachers, located on the Cathedral grounds, gourmet meals including full breakfasts, comfortable old-world accommodations, many with views overlooking the Cathedral.

The all inclusive cost for the trip including room, meals, transportation, and a cathedral
membership is
Single: $385 Double: $325

(If you already have a membership deduct 30.00)

Scholarship assistance is available.

If you would like further information contact
the Rev. Tambria E. Lee, 919-929-2193, tlee@thechapelofthecross.org.