Weddings at the Chapel of the Cross

Mike Shea

The flowers are perfect, the music inspiring, and the bride, radiant. It's the sort of wedding memory that families cherish forever.

Weddings at the Chapel of the Cross are a mix of traditional outward trappings of liturgical ceremony and the serious business of preparation for a spiritual sacrament.

Not every couple who wishes to be married here qualifies. The church building is not open to the public for rent. According to the Rector Stephen Elkins-Williams, “We're not that legalistic about it, but there needs to be a connection, that is, a good reason to be married at the Chapel of the Cross.” Qualifications include such things as family being communicants, an intention to join the church, or being an active Episcopalian elsewhere but needing the wedding to take place in Chapel Hill.

Once it's determined a couple may qualify to be married at the Chapel of the Cross, preparation begins. A meeting with the priest chosen to officiate takes place and plans for several counseling sessions about the nature and purpose of Holy Matrimony are arranged. Twice a year, a weekend workshop on “Preparing for Marriage” is held. Couples are encouraged to participate. In situations where one partner-to-be is not an Episcopalian but may wish to join the church, “Inquirers Classes” may be taken. All of this according to Stephen Elkins-Williams is important, “Being married in the Church is much more than simply being married in the building; it means being married within the community of faith.”

Because wedding ceremonies take place in the midst of the normal liturgical year where the church and the chapel are committed to many ongoing services, agreeing on a date can be a problem. Many couples plan a year in advance. There are 30 to 40 weddings a year, on average, at the Chapel of the Cross. More than 90 percent take place on Saturdays, and most couples want ceremonies between Easter and the end of August. That means it's not unusual to have two weddings per Saturday and occasionally three on the same day. All of which necessitates close coordination.

The important job of running interference and making sure everything comes together at the right time and in the right way falls to one of the three wedding coordinators. After a wedding coordinator is assigned to a couple, she follows up as liaison between clergy and staff, details such things as policies for flowers and photographers, handles fees, and ensures compliance with permissions and licenses.

The bride and groom arrange appropriate music, if desired, with Dr. Wylie Quinn, church organist-choirmaster. They also consult with the officiating priest to select appropriate scriptures to be read by lay reader guests.

A rehearsal usually takes place the afternoon or evening preceding the wedding. Anyone with a significant role takes part. Stephen Elkins-Williams says, “there are no superstitions here, such as stand-ins for the bride. We have them practice until everyone feels comfortable, and as a result they are less nervous and everything goes better the next day.” Eucharist can be celebrated at weddings. Occasionally, Holy Eucharist may be held during the rehearsal instead of during the actual ceremony if, for example, a large number of guests, will be of a non-Christian faith, and the Sacrament might become a symbol of disunity rather than unity.

The ceremony takes place the next day. If fewer than 100 guests are expected it is often held in the chapel. Larger weddings are accommodated in the main church. Ceremonies follow the liturgy in The Book of Common Prayer.

Not to be overlooked, following the ceremony it is necessary to register the marriage with civil authorities. “It is the minister's responsibility,” says Elkins-Williams. “We wear both State and Church hats with the weddings that we do.”

For more information about planning weddings at the Chapel of the Cross, go to the web page, www.thechapelofthecross.org, and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page, “Before Planning A Wedding”.