Marriage Preparation Workshop

Ann Baker and Mike Lienesch

Preparing for marriage: anyone who has been married knows that nothing can totally prepare us for the joys, challenges, and unknowns of marriage. However, the value of marriage preparation counseling has been increasingly recognized in recent years, and the Chapel of the Cross, along with many other churches, has continued to revise and enrich its ministry to couples seeking to be married here. All couples are required to meet with a priest to talk about themselves, their relationship, and their wedding plans. Some may do all their preparation with the priest, but most will be invited to participate in a marriage preparation workshop, usually offered at the church in the spring and the fall on a Friday night and Saturday. The workshop allows engaged couples to meet other couples and reduces the heavy demands on the clergy for individual counseling.

Those who come to a workshop may find themselves talking with each other about whether to move to another state for a new job, comparing notes with six or eight other engaged couples about how to handle Christmas visits with two families, and listening to a husband and wife married for many years describe how they reconnect after an argument. The workshop is usually led by two married couples; one is a clergy couple and the other often includes a professional counselor. Many workshops have been led in recent years by Vicky and David Jamieson-Drake and Mike Lienesch and Ann Baker.

The format is a series of exercises that stress communication skills and focus on families of origin and their impact on ideas of marriage, communicating positive and negative feelings, dealing with conflicts, and reflecting on the sacrament of marriage. The couples read the vows together, and the group discusses the meaning of the beautiful and powerful words of the marriage covenant. The format alternates private conversation between partners with group discussion in a warm and relaxed atmosphere. The leaders are open with their own rewarding and humbling experiences of marriage. (Indeed, over the years a few stories have become classics -- for example, Mike and Ann's banana story.)

Many couples are in their twenties, have often been together for some time, and are living busy lives with demanding career or graduate school schedules. The topics they raise include personality differences (such as a neat freak marrying a messy partner), trying to fit two careers together, planning for children, or fears stemming from their own parents' divorce. Sometimes an older couple or one planning a second marriage add their own perspective.

Feedback from the participants is generally very positive. They like the combination of private couple time and group discussion and appreciate the chance to listen to the leaders' insights gleaned from years of married life. The workshop concludes with an emphasis on marriage as an ongoing shared calling, that begins with the wedding but needs regular loving attention over the couple's life together. One of the gifts we as leaders receive from this ministry is the chance at each workshop to revisit and strengthen our own marriage vows.

The next Marriage Preparation Workshop is scheduled for September 12-13. If you are interested in attending, please email the Rev. Victoria Jamieson-Drake at vjd@thechapelofthecross.org.