Among the changing fashions of religious and social life are the traditions and adornments of what the Prayer Book used to call “The Solemnization of Matrimony.” The near-apoplectic shock that Richard Wagner's granddaughter is said to have felt when she heard the dirge-like “Elsa's March” from Lohengrin played at a wedding in a New York church in the 1930s would rarely be felt in an Episcopal church today. The romantic ballads and operatic transcriptions have largely gone the way of big hats, potted palms, and white carpets. In their place one is more likely to hear J.S. Bach's “Jesu, joy of man's desiring,” music by Handel or Telemann, and the ubiquitous “Trumpet Voluntary” by Jeremiah Clarke (a.k.a. “The Prince of Denmark's March,” or “Purcell's Trumpet Voluntary.”)

While local tastes and practices may vary, there is a renewed sense of seriousness about weddings as liturgies of the church. A full-scale marriage liturgy could include as many as three biblical readings, a psalm, one or more hymns, and a homily. The entire service is structured to become, if one chooses, an integral part of a Eucharist, complete with proper preface to the Sanctus and a special postcommunion prayer. A remarkable series of prayers takes the exchange of life-promises far beyond the realm of sentimental ceremonial into the eternity of God, lifting all present into that great unbroken fellowship of the living and the dead where nothing really matters except faith, hope, and love.

In planning a wedding at the Chapel of the Cross, we want all of the details of the service (the decorations, the music, the ceremonial) all to serve the same high purpose of all our liturgies — the worship of God and the eternal edification of all who participate. While we want joyful participation in the service and vivid memories that will last a lifetime, we don't want the serenity and integrity of the service broken by photography or the worshipful jubilation of the procession out of the church destroyed by applause. Extravagantly beautiful flowers are a wonderful way to glorify God and draw us all into his perfect beauty, but we want the church always to look like an Episcopal church and not the hanging gardens of Babylon. Meaningful ceremonial in the Episcopal Church is always a powerful, embodied way of bringing eternal truths to life. “Decently and in order,” however, doesn't mean fussy and unnatural formality or the multiplication of little rituals that impede rather than promote the theological and devotional intentions of our liturgy. If there is music it should be exuberant and soulful, both glorifying God and leading us more deeply into His presence. But not all music can do this in a liturgical context. Much music, even music that could be called “great” or “classical” is more appropriate to a reception or a wedding ceremony (as opposed to a liturgy) that takes place in a secular context such as a hotel ballroom or a garden.

Many people wish to be married at the Chapel of the Cross, some with deep ties to the parish and others with tenuous connections at best. In planning their weddings we aspire to the same integrity and beauty that we hope would characterize all of our liturgies. I hope we do better pastorally than simply to offer “our way or the highway” and that we are attuned to the different nuances of each situation. We do, however, insist on a high standard for weddings, not out of snobbery or pride, but in the humble conviction born out of our experience here that, when God is glorified in worship, when eternal truths are put forward with power and conviction, when beautiful things are uplifted and cherished, when intellectual and moral passions are stirred, when we are nourished at the Lord's Table, then lives are changed forever and souls are formed by God's grace into the image of Christ. Perhaps more than in any other of life's 'rites of passage,' isn't this what we want a wedding to be?

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