Opportunities for Growth

Mary Agnes Rawlings, Johnson Intern Program Director

I read an article while attending Servant Leadership this past year that I will always remember. Dannaan Perry in her Essene Book of Days says, "Most of the time, I spend my life hanging on for dear life to my trapeze-bar-of-the moment. It carries me along at a certain steady rate of swing and I have the feeling that I am in control of my life. I know most of the right questions and even some of the right answers. But once in a while, as I am merrily (or not-so-merrily) swinging along, I look out ahead of me into the distance and what do I see? I see another trapeze bar swinging towards me. It's empty, and I know in that place in me that knows, that this "new trapeze bar" has my name on it. It is my next step, my growth, my aliveness coming to get me. In my heart-of-hearts I know that for me to grow, I must release my grip on the present, well-known bar to move to the new one." The article seemed most relevant on May 28th when I attended the vestry meeting and heard the final decision to close the Johnson Intern Program. It seemed for a fleeting moment that for all practical purposes God had other intentions for me in the near future. I was once again facing that next trapeze-bar-of-the-moment. In the days that followed I learned that several generous donors had come forward to ensure the financial stability of the Johnson Intern Program and I was faced with another trapeze-bar-of-the-moment. This bar had the name of "how to find four suitable young adult candidates to come to the Johnson Intern Program at this late date". In addition, several days later I received an e-mail notification that a reduction in the number of all volunteer candidates across all denominational lines and geographic regions occurred this year in the regular recruitment process.

For me this life trapeze bar journey is about faith, charity, and hope in a nutshell. Faith has to do with my relationship with God. Can I trust that God will, in all the complexities of my life, determine what is needed to help me grow? Charity has to do with my relationship with others and will I allow others to help me with whatever task that is required; and finally hope, the belief that I have the resources to get the job done. I often hear myself saying to my own children, "God does not ask us to be successful, but only faithful." Several days after the realization hit that I needed to have at least three candidates by August 1 to continue this fall I received a message from my daily "God Calling Journal" "All I ask is that you do your daily tasks, you must leave the results up to Me". One of the reasons I continue to reread this 1986 version of the book is that its daily message seems to meet me exactly dead center in my life. So each and every day since I received that message I have made sure that I have enough hope to continue searching to find those candidates for next year. When August 1st comes, I will be prepared to face yet another life trapeze bar; I can only know what it will look like when I get there. In the meantime I spend prayer time in faithful preparation. I think that is why some folks call it a "day at a time" commitment.