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NEWSLETTER OF THE CHAPEL OF THE CROSS - November 2007

November Cross Roads
Celtic Cross





Care

at

the

End

of

Life









In This Issue:

Elkins-Williams.jpg

Dear Friends,

In this issue about end of life care, I want to acquaint you with a pastoral resource in the Prayer Book entitled "Ministration at the Time of Death," on page 462. "When a person is near death," the Prayer Book states, "the Minister of the Congregation should be notified, in order that the ministrations of the Church may be provided." The most important of these ministrations, of course, is the accompanying presence of the community of the faithful in the persons of the family, the clergy, and any others. Although each of us must face death individually, as members of the Body of Christ, we do not do so alone. We are supported by the loving presence of others and by prayer.

The particular prayers most appropriate for this sacred time make up this brief bedside service. Sometime close to the final hours of the person's life, family and friends (if possible) come together with the priest to pray. They join in the "Litany at the Time of Death," which asks for God's mercy, deliverance, and peace. After the recitation of the Lord's Prayer and other prayers, the priest, in perhaps the most moving words of the Prayer Book, declares, "Depart, O Christian soul, out of this world; in the name of God the Father Almighty who created you; in the name of Jesus Christ who redeemed you; in the name of the Holy Spirit who sanctifies you. May your rest be this day in peace, and your dwelling place in the Paradise of God." How blessed we are, especially at such difficult times of our lives, to have the Prayer Book to give voice to the deep reality of our faith and to our most cherished hopes and desires.

When you find yourself accompanying another at the approach of death, please do contact one of the clergy, even if it is an inconvenient hour. Even if death comes quickly "like a thief in the night" before you have a chance to call, call anyway. We want to come to support you and to pray the prayer of the Church with you for the one who has just finished this part of the spiritual journey. Speaking personally, I can say that I consider it one of the richest blessings of ordained ministry to be able to be present with you at such times. I am always grateful when you call.

-- Stephen

"When a person is near death, the Minister of the Congregation should be notified, in order that the ministrations of the Church may be provided."

Book of Common Prayer, page 462

Vestry Actions

At its meeting on September 20, the vestry:

Postscript to a Sermon by Stephen Elkins-Williams on Sunday, October 14, 2007 Titled "Good News"

[During Announcements]: I mentioned during my sermon that you are stewards of inspirational worship places which effect changes in people's lives. I did not have time to show you that that is much more than a pious platitude, but let me share with you several quick stories.

At the diocesan clergy conference this week, a young woman made it a point to introduce herself to me and said that she was formerly a member of a Universalist/Unitarian Fellowship in Durham, where Arlene Lukas had been her minister. Some of you may remember Arlene, who began to attend our 5:15 service, was eventually confirmed, entered our ordination process, and now serves as a priest in another diocese. Arlene shared that journey with Rhonda, her parishioner, who also came to one of our 5:15 services, her first experience of the Episcopal Church. She began to worship regularly at a Durham parish closer to her home and then moved out of state, where she was confirmed and then ordained. She is now the Rector of St. Joseph's in Durham, next to Duke's east campus, and is a great addition to our diocese.

Several diocesan clergy conferences ago, a young man came up to me and said, "You won't recognize me, but I was one of those rowdy frat boys who sat on the back row of the 5:15 service. I wasn't even up in time to come to the 11:15! I didn't come to your student group, but your parish sustained me during my years at Carolina, and I went back to my home parish in another state and was ordained. Now I am rector of St. Michael's in Raleigh."

Lest you think this is just about ordained ministry, I found out this summer that in late 1995, Dr. Francis Collins, a UNC Medical School grad, was offered the daunting task of chairing the mapping of the human genome. Feeling intimidated by the challenge, he came one afternoon to our chapel to pray. (He was visiting his daughter in Chapel Hill at the time.) He prayed all afternoon and was delighted to find Evening Prayer offered at 5:15. He wrote in his recent book, "The Language of God" (which I highly recommend) that, as he left the chapel that evening, he felt a deep sense of peace that God was indeed calling him to this momentous endeavor. You may recall that a few years later his group had successfully mapped all ten million parts of the human genome, the ramifications of which we have not yet even begun to realize.

This morning after hearing these stories at the 7:30 service, Hersh Slater, from Carol Woods, told me that Tom, the prisoner who had come to that weekly service with him for several years, had been released and had written him to say that he was now taking his mother to church each Sunday.

There are many more stories, most of them unknown to us, but as you can see, we are indeed stewards of inspirational worship spaces that not only change peoples' lives, but which enable them to go on to affect many other peoples' lives. And isn't that a great privilege?

Considerations for End of Life Decisions

By Annette Lee Kahn

Annette Kahn

What are "end of life" decisions, and when should we make them? For many of us the trigger for our first "end of life decision" occurs soon after the birth of our first child. While feeling very protective of this tiny infant, we become aware of the possibility that something could happen to us and ask ourselves the question, "Who would take care of our baby?" That question often leads to the selection of a trusted relative or friend as a caregiver for our child in the event of our death. That process is usually followed by awareness of a need for a will, which will set up a trustee for the child and the structure we wish for the distribution of our estate. These decisions often need to be revised and others made as the children grow up. In our own family, where we unfortunately share the habit of procrastination, a flight to Europe would be the trigger for thinking "We must get this revision done." Thus, we were often driving by a friend's house for witnesses to our signatures on the way to the airport .

Other kinds of end of life decisions often are not considered until many years later. It has not been the practice in our culture to consider thoughtfully how we want to spend the last quarter of our lives or to think about end of life care and our own deaths and to make funeral plans. Indeed I do not remember hearing adults talk to each other or to their children about these issues during the 1940s, 50s, 60s or 70s.

Between 1966 and 1982 Carlos Casteneda, an anthropology student at UCLA, wrote several books on the philosophy of living, learned from his experiences as an apprentice of Don Juan Matus, a Mexican Yaqui shaman. Much of that philosophy has to do with how one deals with death. Don Juan told the young Casteneda that he should "always walk with death on his left shoulder." Casteneda wrote that "Death is the ...wise adviser that we have. ...The thing to do when you're impatient is to turn to your left and ask advice from your death. An immense amount of pettiness is dropped if...your companion is there watching you." His books apparently struck a chord with young Americans, as millions of the books were sold during those years.

It isn't possible to think about "end of life" decisions without an awareness of and an ability to think about one's death. In my personal experience as well as in my thirty-four years of psychotherapy practice, it seems to me that those persons who purposefully think about, plan and prepare for their possible disabilities and eventual deaths are then freed up to live as happily and as well as they can. Conversely, the more people try to avoid thinking about death, the more oppressive and paralyzing it appears to feel to them. Those persons who use others to help them think through problems gain additional benefits. The research is clear that the existence and use of a social support system extends both the quality and the length of life.

Over the last thirty years I have been seeing evidence that our culture has become more open to and accepting of conversations about death. At least three things in the culture have changed that reflect a growing public acceptance of the value and importance of talking about death. Medical students have been taught to talk to patients and families about death. The Hospice movement began and has grown enormously. Hospice volunteers are trained to respond to a patient's wish to discuss dying, how they want to spend their last days, and what their funeral wishes are. Finally, the use of grief therapy and the research on grief and loss has grown enormously. Recently there have been many articles on family caregivers, with the resulting advice of the importance of providing care for the caregivers.

So, what are the end of life decisions that we need to consider? Several years ago a social work intern working with Vicky Jamieson-Drake organized a very helpful Elder Ministry workshop for the parish on coping with challenges and sharing strengths. We were given two handouts: "How to Help Your Family" and "Helping Others Help Us." Both handouts are very valuable in helping to organize what one needs to do to make life easier for our children or for other caregivers during our illnesses or death. Copies of those handouts can be made in the parish office.

I am very thankful that my own mother finished her will, had assigned a Health Care Power of Attorney, and had made her wishes known regarding medical treatment prior to developing dementia only a few years later. Some people prefer to let their children or caregivers make all the decisions for their care. Most of us much prefer that our parents and other loved ones make those decisions themselves e and that they make their wishes known to us. It is an awesome responsibility to make such decisions for others without their prior guidance. I believe that we all have the responsibility to take the time we need to prepare well for ourselves and for our families!

Advance Directives

By Steve Lackey

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Given a choice, most of us prefer to speak for ourselves. Have you ever found yourself thinking, "I wish I had said ..." once the opportunity has passed? Have you ever wondered what you might wish you had said to your family if you lost the ability to speak for yourself due to an illness or injury? Do you know who would control your financial interests and your living arrangements if you could not do so for yourself?

When it comes to end of life planning, chances are your loved ones would long to know the details of your wishes. Advance directives are legal documents that provide for your well-being during your lifetime. Such documents provide you with an opportunity to share your wishes with your family and to control who will be looking out for you.

A durable general Power of Attorney allows you to designate someone to manage your financial affairs and to provide for your living arrangements. The document names an "agent" of your choice and empowers him or her to act for you in any manner in which you could act for yourself if you were present. Many folks contemplate that their agents will only act if they become incapacitated, but your agent also could act for your convenience at any point in time. A common misconception is that a Power of Attorney allows the agent to control the principal. This is not the legal reality; rather the agent works for the principal and must act in the principal's best interest. Powers of Attorney are fully revocable and you can name as many successor agents as you wish.

A Health Care Power of Attorney allows you to designate someone to make health care decisions for you if you become unable to do so. The document grants broad powers to a "health care agent" to consent to, or withhold consent for, any type of health care, including mental health care. Your agent only acts for you if your physician determines that you are no longer able to make health care decisions. The Health Care Power of Attorney is typically used in an end of life situation, where the health care agent can say, "No more tests.", "No more machines.", or perhaps, "Let's keep the machines on for a bit longer to see what happens." A Health Care Power of Attorney also is fully revocable and back-up agents can be designated. The Health Care Power of Attorney statute has just been updated by the legislature and the new law provides folks with more opportunity to address specific circumstances. The new forms should be widely available soon.

A Declaration of Desire for a Natural Death is your direct statement to your health care providers concerning your wishes for life sustaining measures. The document allows you to authorize the withholding or discontinuing of extraordinary means in an end of life situation. In addition, you may also authorize the withholding or discontinuing of artificial nutrition or hydration, or both. The Declaration also allows you to address your wishes concerning pain treatment. Like the health care power of attorney, the declaration form has been updated by this year's legislature, and you now have the ability to designate which document will control in the event your health care agent's directions conflict with your declaration.

In addition to these three advance directives, the state of North Carolina has developed other forms to allow you to specifically address anatomical gifts and mental health care. Another new option for this year is an advance directive you complete with your doctor who addresses specific health care circumstances and provides doctor's orders that are consistent with your wishes. This process should encompass, and go beyond, what are commonly known as "do not resuscitate" orders.

Considering end of life circumstances is not a welcome task and for some it can be quite stressful. However, if you do not plan, someone else will. Advance directive forms are available to the public, and your attorney can help you understand the specific legal implications of the documents. Undertaking such planning also provides a framework for discussing end of life issues with your family; so when you provide for your wishes in an advance directive, you can count on your family to implement your wishes as you have instructed.

Making a Will

By Gail Cloud, Stewardship Formation Committee Member

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For we brought nothing into this world, and we can take nothing out of it. (I Timothy 6: 7, 8) This verse from the New Testament is often used in connection with estate planning and will writing. The message is simple, yet humbling. The Book Of Common Prayer provides the following directive: "The minister of the Congregation is directed to instruct the people, from time to time, about the duty of Christian parents to make prudent provision for the well-being of their families, and of all persons to make wills, while they are in good health, arranging for the disposal of their temporal goods, not neglecting, if they are able, to leave bequests for religious and charitable uses."

This message to communicants comes at the end of the service of "Thanksgiving for the Birth or Adoption of a Child." One might assume that the advent of children alone would motivate new parents to the necessity of providing for their families. But one aspect of this process, the selection of guardianship, can present a major stumbling block and lead to many heated family discussions. Some parents procrastinate in making a choice and neglect to complete the will. A guardian typically serves until the child is 18 years old; "serves" means being able to care for the child in case tragedy befalls parents. You should choose someone you have confidence in, someone with good parenting skills and values similar to yours. This selection should provide peace of mind for parents and children alike.

There are many useful web sites to assist you in preparing your will. Obviously, legal representation is an important aspect of this process, but there are also resources available to help you prior to seeing a legal advisor. The Episcopal Church Foundation website (www.episcopalfoundation.org/) has a library of brochures, booklets and a quarterly newsletter "Reflections" available for downloading. A brochure entitled "Prepare to Write Your Will" contains a two-page form with basic guidelines. There is a more detailed booklet (35 pages), "Planning for the End of Life," which includes instruction on medical directives, organ donation, healthcare proxy, planning your funeral, preparing to write your will, sample bequest forms, and information-collecting forms. "Reflections" also has tax saving tips and other helpful information.

Some of the steps in will preparation are listed below:

The Episcopal Network for Stewardship website (www.tens.org) has a section called Legacy Giving. I especially like the term "legacy" and its implications. A publication from the Episcopal Church Center, 2002, defines Legacy Stewardship as: "...The way in which we address the matter of disposing of the accumulations of our lifetime. Who will use your 'stuff' when you no longer need it? It is the opportunity to leave a planned gift that constitutes both a legacy to generations yet unborn and a final witness to those whom we hold most dear."

It is important to think beyond your own lifespan when doing good works and to make a difference in the lives that follow. In life, the Church helps your physical, financial, and spiritual needs. What better way to thank the church than a gift or bequest in your will? As the spring, 2007, edition of Reflections says, "You don't have to be rich to leave a legacy to support the mission of your parish."

A Hospitality Ministry for Those Who Mourn:

Finding Hope and Love in the Midst of Grief

By Barbara Day, Hospitality Ministry Co-Chair

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"Grieve not as those who have no hope" (1 Thess.4:113)

The Funeral Reception Committee is made up of parishioners who care deeply about each other and who offer care for those who are experiencing great loss. They open their hearts and arms to our members, the Body of Christ, who at a crucial time in their lives need our love and support.

When those among us at church are feeling lonely and grieving, we understand that a helping hand is needed. And so, these committee members (and others who serve as "on call" members) come together to plan a reception, as requested by the family. The parish hall is set with lovely and delicious food and drink for all who attend the funeral or memorial service. It provides a setting where members of the family can be together with friends from both near and far. The committee works cooperatively to offer the kind of food and fellowship that the families desire. Some families offer a full array of food; others desire a smaller setting of perhaps sweets, coffee, and punch. But the main purpose of the reception is to offer a setting where God is love and where family members feel this love for them. Some families greet friends and guests from out of town and return home to be among only their family members. Others remain at the church and in the parlor for a longer period of time, visiting and sharing remembrances of their loved one who has died. The Funeral Reception Committee is open to caring for the family in the way they prefer.

Members of the committee are: Susan Beatty, Kris Berman, Martha Boren, Amelia Carew, Katherine Dauchert, Martha Dill, Sandy Edgerly, Betsy Frazer, Harriet Gaillard, Marty Hunter, Cathy Markatos, Barbara McMullan, Holly Phelan, Barbara Pipkin, Helen Stedman, Barry Taylor, Julia Teasley, Ann Terhune, Nancy Tunnessen, and Betsy Elkins-Williams.

One of the goals proposed for this committee in the future is to begin discernment about a bereavement process where members may be involved in some "follow up" with the family. The grieving process is different for each family, and the members within it. Being near and available to help is important for us as we stay close to those experiencing a range of emotions. Jesus Himself faced loneliness and He cried on the cross, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matthew 27: 46) Though isolation seems to be a universal phenomenon, this committee stands by in quiet confidence and assurance and offers a helping hand on the journey of healthy grief.

We are fortunate that our parish, led by the rector and with help and support from the priests and laity, is a concerned and caring community. The Funeral Reception Committee is but one of the many ways our parish offers hospitality and pastoral care ministry. We are at work always in "faith nurturing" endeavors and in remembering the first and great commandment, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind." And the second: "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." (BCP p. 324) Funerals provide an opportunity to love with your whole heart. Your Funeral Reception Committee seeks to do this. Now we are discerning how our warm affection continues. If we on this parish committee end the journey with our fellow members suffering loss too quickly, Rabbi Joshua Lieberman's Peace of Mind (Simon & Schuster), reminds us: "The melody that one loved one played upon the piano of your life will never be played quite that way again, but we must not close the keyboard and allow the instrument to gather dust. We must seek out other artists of the sprit, new friends who gradually will help us to find the road to life again, and who will walk that road with us."

As Stephen Elkins-Williams reminded us recently, for us as Episcopalians our faith tells us "that our departed one retires to a better place-not separated from us, but to assume a different role." So it is that as we say good-bye to our loved one, we do so not without hope, but with grateful hearts and with faith in One who created us all.

It is with a grateful heart and deep appreciation that I say "thank you" to the members of this committee, and as we affirm together our blessing on the family members of those who have died in our parish, may "... light perpetual shine upon them. May their soul(s) and the souls of all the departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace." (BCP p. 486)

"Christ has no body now on earth but yours, no hands but yours. Yours are the eyes through which the compassion of Christ is to look out on a hurting world. Yours are the feet with which he is to go about doing good. Yours are the hands with which he is to bless now." Teresa of Avila

Asked at the Church Door

Under the covered archway by the entrance to the church, I notice the names of many people on the wall. What do those names signify?

Stephen Elkins-Williams, rector, replies:

About thirty years ago, the vestry decided to make the yard in front of the chapel available for the burial of ashes for "communicants and their families and for others with the specific permission of the rector and wardens." Ashes must be buried in a biodegradable container and no permanent markers may be placed on a specific burial spot. The names of those whose ashes have been interred there can be inscribed on the stone tablets, along with the years of their birth and death. The ashes of over 250 people have been buried in the chapel yard, and the last tablet is nearly full. The Building and Grounds Committee is working on the solution for future names.

I am grateful for that decision of the vestry, made before I came here. Allowing burial on our church grounds is not only good stewardship and eases the financial burden for those responsible for final arrangements. It also gives a wholeness and an integrity to funerals here, with the burial following immediately as well as a reception, and with those in attendance allowed to participate in filling in the grave. I am glad that we continue to use the yard for picnics and other purposes and that children love to climb and play in the trees. It gives fuller meaning to the words of the Prayer Book, "In the midst of life, we are in death," and reminds us that we are ever surrounded and upheld by a great cloud of witnesses.

Gifts to the Church after You are Gone

By G. Rhodes Craver, Esq.

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This issue of Cross Roads has dealt with important "end of life" issues. It is hoped that this information will be of invaluable assistance to all of our parishioners and their families (both immediate and extended). There is the related issue of what happens to your property after you are gone. Most of you likely already have a Will and/or a Revocable "Living Trust Agreement." It is vitally important that everyone have a Will. Without a Will, your property may not end up where you want it to go. This can have very undesirable consequences and should be avoided. Not only should all of us have Wills, but it is also important that we endeavor to keep our Wills current. If you signed a Will ten or twenty years ago and have not updated it since, chances are that there is something in that document that should be reviewed and possibly changed. Keeping your Will current with your current circumstance is very important. While it is a good idea to deal with this issue well before an "end of life" issue arises, it is important to reiterate the importance of this document as we discuss "end of life" issues.

It is common that an individual may want to leave something to the individual's church in his/her Will or Living Trust. While making gifts to the Church during one's lifetime is likely to be something that people more frequently think about, making a gift to the Church after your death can often make a lot of sense from a number of different perspectives. There can be tax advantages (as discussed below) to making gifts at death. It may also be easier to make a meaningful gift after you are gone because you know that you will no longer need the property for your own financial security.

Bequests made in your Will or Living Trust to the Church are exempt from federal and most state inheritance taxes. Thus, your total estate value is reduced by the amount of your gift, thereby reducing your overall estate tax. If your estate is large enough, the effective estate tax on your property can equal or exceed 50% of the value of your estate. If you leave a gift to the Church, your estate can deduct that gift and there will be no estate or inheritance tax on the gifted property.

By your Will or your Living Trust, you may make the Chapel of the Cross the beneficiary of cash, securities, and some other kinds of property. You may designate specific amounts or a percentage of your estate, or you may make the Chapel of the Cross a residual beneficiary of your estate, that is, the balance after payment of specific bequests, expenses, and taxes.

If you own insurance, you can make the Chapel of the Cross a primary or secondary beneficiary of the policy.

Similarly, if you own a retirement plan asset [e.g., IRA, 403(b), or 401(k)], you can name the Chapel of the Cross as the primary or secondary beneficiary of the account. This gift can have significant tax advantages to you because it can potentially eliminate both income and estate taxes assessed against that asset.

A simple example will help to illustrate this important tax consideration. Suppose as a part of your total estate you own an IRA account that has $100,000 in it at your death. If you leave that asset to your children the full account balance will still be taxed for income tax purposes when your children withdraw the funds from the IRA account. As a general rule of thumb, you can plan on the government taking at least one-third of the account balance in the form of income taxes. So, if you leave the IRA to your children they will have approximately $67,000 from the account after paying the income tax. Retirement plan assets can also be taxed for estate tax purposes. If the value of your estate is in excess of the estate tax exemption (currently $2 million), then your estate will also pay an estate tax on the IRA. The amount of the estate tax can approach 50% of the value of the asset. Thus, in this example, the $100,000 IRA account could get hit with as much as $50,000 in estate taxes. The potential combination of paying both income tax and estate tax on the same asset can lead to a disastrous result where your children might end up receiving only a fourth of the original asset. This undesirable result can be ameliorated if you leave the same asset to the Church. If you leave the Church the $100,000 IRA account, the Church will not pay income tax upon the receipt of the account. Further, your estate would also receive a $100,000 charitable deduction for the gift to the Church. Thus, the Church would receive the full $100,000 and no taxes would be paid at all. The net effect is the Church receives a $100,000 gift and the real cost to your children was only $25,000.

End of Life Resources

A few recommendations from Rob Sullivan, David Frazelle, and Vivian Varner

Final Victory: Taking charge of the last stages of life, and facing death on your own terms.
Thomas A. Preston MD. Prima Publishing, Roseville, CA. ISBN 0-7615-2899-7
A small book (252 pages) with excellent overviews of medical, legal, emotional, and interpersonal issues often encountered by those who face death.

"Holy Living and Holy Dying" Chapter Five in Jeremy Taylor: Selected Works
Paulist Press, Mahwah, NJ. ISBN 0-80910438-5
Thoughts from 17th Century Anglican theologian, preacher, and pastor.

On Children and Death
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, MD. Touchstone Publishing, New York, NY ISBN 0-684-83939-3
An excellent resource for those dealing with the death of a child.

The Tenth Good Thing about Barney
Judith Viorst. Atheneum Books for Young Readers, New York, NY ISBN 0-689-20688-7
A small child's description of his family's response to the death of his cat.

My Grandson Lew
Charlotte Zolotow. Harper & Row, New York, NY ©1974
The story of a young child remembering his grandfather; it models grieving and helps children articulate what they want to remember about those who have died.

Health-Care Power of Attorney
www.ncga.state.nc.us/Sessions/2007/Bills/House/PDF/H634v5.pdf
Recently revised legislation enhances your ability to give a trusted person power to make health-care decisions for you if you cannot communicate them. An excellent overview of the legislation was published in the Raleigh News and Observer on October 1, 2007 www.newsobserver.com/politics/v-print/story/721967.html

Duke Divinity School Caring Communities resources for End-of-Life care
www.divinity.duke.edu/programs/theomed/caringcommunities/endoflife/document_view
A collection of helpful publications addressing end of life concerns that is available on the web.

Duke Institute on Care at the End of Life
www.iceol.duke.edu/resources/index.html
An institute based in the Divinity School at Duke containing a roster of national resources available to assist individuals and families.

Duke HomeCare & Hospice
4321 Medical Park Drive, Suite 101, Durham, NC 27704 (919) 620-3853
Offers in-home and institutional care for those at the end of life.

Carolinas Center for Hospice & End of Life Care
www.carolinasendoflifecare.org/index.html
A local organization that provides information on area hospice resources.

UNC Hospice
480 Hillsboro Street, Suite 800, Box 1077, Pittsboro, NC 27312 (919) 542-5545
Offers in-home and institutional care for those at the end of life.

UNC Grief Recovery Group
UNC Hospitals Bereavement Support Services, Heidi Gessner (919) 966-4021
A resource for those facing the loss of a loved one.

Duke Family Support Program
www.geri.duke.edu/service/dfsp/about.htm
A chapter of the Alzheimer's Association offering support groups across North Carolina

Duke Geriatric Evaluation & Treatment Clinic
pdcweb.mc.duke.edu/location/gettingaround/maps/get/get.html
4020 North Roxboro Road, Durham NC 27704 (919) 620-4070
A clinic offering comprehensive team evaluation of older persons with complex interacting physical, emotional and memory disorders. Those facing transition find this service of particular value.

UNC Division of Geriatrics
UNC HealthLink (919) 966-7890 for appointments.
A resource for those in need of physicians who focus on needs of the elderly.

Project Compassion
180 Providence Road, Suite 1-C, Chapel Hill NC (919) 402-1844
www.project-compassion.org
A bridge organization that creates community and provides support for people living with serious illness, care-giving, end of life, and grief.

Our Hope in Christ

By Jackie Whitt, Global Mission Committee Member

Life is full of opposites-light and dark, flood and drought, hungry and full, life and death-and we are confronted by these every day. So too, are we struck by apparent opposites when we think about our global mission. In Honduras and South Africa we see abject poverty juxtaposed with incredible affluence. Throughout the world, even in the US, we know the devastating effects of both floods and droughts. We witness the hope of Christ and compare it to the hopelessness of AIDS and other diseases. And in our own church, we faced the tragedy of Gloria Suarez' death as we prepared to celebrate our parish work in Honduras, which she so faithfully helped plan and support. It would be easy to give up in the face of such overwhelming tasks, but faced with these opposites, we can find refuge in hope; in life; in seeking environmental, educational, and economic justice; and in Christ.

And there is exciting work going on. The Global Mission Committee is working hard to honor God's creation and its people through continued service and partnership with Christians in Honduras and South Africa. Understanding the liberating value of education and taking the Millennium Development Goals to heart, our parish is committed to providing scholarship money for girls in South Africa, for boys and girls in Honduras, and for Cesar, a man from El Progreso who is studying at seminary. We are also working to contribute development money to encourage exploration of micro-business possibilities within the parish. We celebrate with our Honduran friends at San Patricio at the completion of their permanent worship space, what Eduardo Monzon calls their "temple." We joyfully anticipate Vaike Maddison's ordination to the priesthood later in November.

At San Patricio, it seems that they, too, know of the abundance of opposites in our lives. The fleeting nature of this life compared to the eternal life of the Spirit. As they finished their church, they buried a time capsule under the Altar platform. Eduardo writes, "The capsule includes a Bible, a Cursillo Cross, coins, Episcopal shield, and a few other things. Besides, it has a letter, both in English and Spanish giving general information about the Church. All are in individual plastic containers and inside a concrete box with a metal reinforcement. . . . covered by the 6 inches slab of concrete." He continues, "This way sometime in the future, [others] would know about us and about you." The task is great, but the work we are doing has long-lasting value. And in the end, we know that we do not know life without death, fullness without hunger, joy without pain. We are bound together in these things and in the hope of Christ, let us therefore continue God's work in this world.

Asked at the Church Door

Why has the office of Christian Education changed its name to Christian Formation? What is the difference?

Gretchen Jordan, Christian Formation Director, replies:

In the mid to late 1980s, a task force began work on a new vision for educational ministry in the Episcopal Church. In 1988, a resolution was adopted by General Convention (#A071) charging the Education for Mission and Ministry Unit with producing a manual for the purpose of lifting up a vision of Christian education in Episcopal congregations consistent with the vision and goals statement of the task force. The manual that was developed is titled Called to Teach and Learn. Among the writers was former Priest Associate at the Chapel of the Cross and Duke Divinity School professor, John Westerhoff. This manual offered a new vision for the denomination and for local parishes that expanded the traditional view of education as instructional. With this new vision came a new way of speaking about and approaching the work of "making disciples," thus the new term "Christian Formation." The national church and more recently our bishop, have encouraged local parishes to make this change in terminology. As with any change, it takes time! And with this change there are wide-ranging implications.

My guess is that most laity, if asked to tell about Christian Education in the parish, would begin and possibly end a response by telling about Church School. This program has historically, and too often in contemporary times, been limited to oral teaching or exhortation of the word for the purpose of acquiring skills and knowledge. Church School curriculum was, and still is in many cases, written for this purpose. In many places Christian Education would, in addition, be offered for children aged 2 or 3 through high school. If adults were included, Christian Education would refer to Sunday morning classes, primarily instructional in nature, held in conjunction with classes for children and youth. So, if you think of Christian Education as instruction, obtaining knowledge and skills, the change in terms should make a difference not only in your understanding but also in your approach. I came to the Chapel of the Cross as a student of John Westerhoff and a proponent of formational learning. Changes you see in the ministry of the Christian Formation office come from what being asked to write this article has reminded me; it has also given clarity to my role in and vision for the church.

While I would be happy to teach an entire class on this topic, for the purposes of space in Cross Roads, I will limit my response to this inquiry. Christian Formation is a lifelong process that begins at baptism. For us, it is living into our baptismal covenant and promises. It is about what one believes and what one will do. (BCP, pg. 304-305) This includes, but is not limited to, what traditionally has been called Christian Education. This life-long, continual process of maturation is not unlike new growth maturing through a nutritional, healthy process. Christian formation, for each person in a Christian community, is to appropriate a clear perception of his or her personal vocation as a disciple. Although this goal may begin and be nurtured by a deeper knowledge of God and God's wishes for us, the goal of formation is not achieved by simply knowing God and what God wants, but action on God's will is essential. Formation should mean cohesion of one's life in the church and society, not as two independent realities, but as two dimensions of a single life.

I also came to the Chapel of the Cross with a history as one who was formed in the faith, one who caught it from parents and other significant people, and who was not just equipped with knowledge and skills. I learned that Jesus is the light of the world as I lighted the candles of the Advent wreath and sang "Four Candles in a Ring." I engaged in sharing my family's blessings with those whose blessings were far less. I learned that people become homeless; and with my dad, I sat on the courthouse steps and talked to the men temporarily without a home, inviting them to join us at church. I learned that people become ill, and I connected with them on visits made with both my parents as they brought a quart of homemade noodle soup. I joined in the annual carol sing to bring some holiday joy. I learned the mandate to serve in the church by singing in the choir. I learned the power of communion by helping dad pass the wine and bread to an elderly, bed-confined man. I experienced the power of the cross during Ash Wednesday and Holy Week services and "no play" from noon to three o'clock on Good Friday - not a practice I recommend. I matured in faith around the kitchen table trying to make sense of the shooting death of a black man during a race riot in our town and in critical discourse of the Vietnam War. I hope you will see some examples of my formation incorporated into the formational programs at Chapel of the Cross, and I trust that for all of us this formation will go beyond the traditional instructional model.

New Reasons to be Thoughtful and Thankful for our Food

By Linda B. Rimer, Environmental Stewardship Committee Chair

Linda Rimer.jpg

It's November! Fall in our part of the world. It's the time of year that we celebrate the harvest and the gathering in of the fruits of our labors from our gardens and farms.

Well, it is certainly the time we "used to" celebrate the harvest. While we can still find "harvest festivals" in our communities today, many have become primarily a time to buy pumpkins and Indian corn and hay bales, in anticipation of Halloween.

What has happened to disconnect us from the growing, harvesting, and celebration of our food, the bounty of God's creation and the product of His children's labors?

There are many answers to this question, some simple (more of us are living in cities, without access to land for a garden, resulting in our need to buy food from grocery stores and supermarkets) and some more complex (the rise of corporate farms where monocultures e.g. corn or lettuce, are grown in massive fields, packaged and shipped hundreds, or even thousands of miles away to stock those supermarkets.)

There are many personal consequences to this agricultural and sociological history. We have lost many of our family farms. We have lost touch with the seasonality and unique locality of our food (consider how normal we think it is to be eating raspberries and artichokes in Chapel Hill in January). We have forgotten what really fresh food tastes like and many of us have actually forgotten where food comes from. If you don't believe this, ask a child and you are likely to get this answer: "from the grocery store." In our current age of terrorism, this great disconnect between the producers and the consumers of our food has even been identified as a potential opportunity for bioterrorists to assault our society.

There are also many environmental consequences of the way we have come to grow, harvest, process, package, and transport our food supply. Two examples are increased chemical use and the generation of greenhouse gases. Corporate farms that produce single crops must rely on fertilizers, herbicides, and pesticides to maintain crop productivity. Transporting fruits and vegetables hundreds or even thousands of miles from the place they are grown to the places they are sold generates massive quantities of carbon dioxide that contributes to global warming.

Local communities need not be totally self-sufficient. After all, we will probably always want bananas and coffee. But fortunately for us and for our planet, there is a growing demand today for food that is grown locally. Farmers markets are popping up in cities large and small. Some chefs and restaurants are attracting customers because they are focusing on locally grown food for their menus. This is happening right here in Chapel Hill!

Community supported agriculture (CSA) is growing rapidly. CSA farms offer ‘subscriptions' where buyers pay at the beginning of the growing season and then receive a weekly or monthly basket of produce, flowers, fruits, etc. in exchange. Parents and kids get to actually know the farmers who are growing their food.

Here are several more reasons for you to consider adding your support and voice to this demand. Eating locally grown food:

So even now, in November, as our peak growing season here in Chapel Hill is coming to an end, our local Farmer's Market remains open through December. Information is available at http://www.carrborofarmersmarket.com/

Spend some time this winter learning about foods which are grown locally and when they come into their season. Plan future menus with your kids based on the availability of those foods. Find out if there are opportunities to join a "community supported agriculture" group where you live or work. http://www.localharvest.org/csa/

Let's recapture that part of this autumn season where we celebrate the bounty of our harvest and the glory of God's creation.

Background Information about Life in Burma

By Roy Upchurch

Roy Upchurch.jpg

For the past few weeks, much has been reported in newspapers and on television about the thousands of Buddhist monks marching in protest of the military government in Burma (Myanmar). What was once the rising star of post-colonial Southeast Asia is now one of the poorest and least developed nations in the world. Since the military coup in 1962 which ended Burma's attempt to establish a democracy, much of the country has been under control of the military led authoritarian government. Following the failure of a nation-wide movement to have free elections in the early 1990s, the government has held the leaders of this democracy movement, most particularly Ang San Suu Kyi, under house arrest while executing and torturing other pro-democracy sympathizers.

The military government of Burma has also committed major human right violations against several ethnic groups along the border regions. Countless numbers of people have fled their homes in fear of the Burmese army which is ruthless in destroying villages, perpetrating sexual violence, and forcing men, women and children into labor camps. Most displaced persons seeking safety and protection either join one of the ethnic armies or make their way across the border into Thailand. Along with these political/ethnic refugees, well over one million Burmese work in Thailand's garment factories and fishing industries as migrant laborers because of the poor economic conditions that exist in Burma.

In May 2007, while working on a research project concerning Burmese migrant workers in Thailand, I had the unique opportunity to speak to several refugee families who would soon leave Southeast Asia for the US, Norway, or Australia. The guesthouse where I stayed also served as a processing center for refugees being resettled. One of the refugees I met was a 21 year old Karen woman who, having spent her entire life in the camp with her younger brother, was extremely excited about her new life in Norway. It is difficult to imagine the emotions and feelings of most of the refugees as they leave the camps (some for the first time) and board a plane for a new life in another country. After talking to several families, I learned that although many were nervous about moving to a new country, all were excited about the opportunities for themselves and particularly for their children.

Recent changes have been made by the U.S. State Department to allow 150,000 Burmese refugees to immigrate over the next ten years. Although many of these refugees receive assistance from the International Organization of Migration, a great deal of help is needed once they arrive in their new home country. I would like to commend the Chapel of the Cross for their continued support of refugee resettlement and encourage all who are interested to volunteer their time, talents, and money to welcome and provide aid to these families in our community.

Burmese family on couch.jpg
Photo by Cinda Meyer
burmese children.jpg
Photo by Barbara Tremblay
burmese family outside.jpg
Photo by Peggy Pratt

A New Home in a New Country

By Peggy Pratt, Social Ministry Committee Chair

Peggy Pratt.jpg

Our new family has arrived! Po Loe and Ah Lin arrived at Raleigh-Durham airport on September 27 with their six children after a 20+ hour plane trip from Bangkok. They were met by their caseworker from Lutheran Family Service and parishioners Barbara Tremblay, Gale Gilchrist, and Cinda Meyer. This trio of parishioners escorted the family to their new home at Carolina Apartments which was outfitted in just a week from the generous donations of parishioners - quite a transition from the Mae La Refugee Camp on the Thai-Myanmar border where the family has lived for five years.

Mae La, one of nine border camps, is home to over 50,000 Burmese civilians, most of whom are ethnic Karen. Mae La has no electricity or plumbing; homes are bamboo huts constructed from materials available in the Thai forests. They have been threatened with cross-border artillery attacks. Residents of the camp, like Po Loe and Ah Lin, had to flee their villages - many of which have been burned and destroyed. In 2006, the US officially recognized the humanitarian needs of these refugees and began resettlement.

Since their arrival Po Loe and Ah Lin and children Sein Lah, age 18; Tin Tin Win, age 16; Khin Thaw Win, age 14; Nye Nye Tway, age 12; Lah Lu, age 10; and Than Soe Lah, age 4 have had a flurry of meetings and appointments as part of their orientation. They have had a home safety meeting, a formal intake with Lutheran Family Service, an appointment with the Social Security Office to get their cards and register Sein Lah with the Selective Service, and another appointment to get Medicaid cards - all this while trying to catch up with a 12 hour time change and a totally new culture. Our team has taken them to their appointments and even taken all the children shoe and back pack shopping! This Friday, a week after their arrival, the five oldest children will be enrolled in their schools!!

Despite all this activity, the family is full of smiles - as are our team. Other Karen families in the complex have welcomed them and helped in their transition. The older children know some English and already their vocabulary is expanding. (They were fortunate to attend school in Mae La Camp.) We are learning more about each of them daily. Po Loe is a seamstress and Tin Tin Win is accomplished at fine embroidery. They enjoy cooking and have gone through 25 pounds of rice in four days!! The children have even tried out the apartment swimming pool!

There remains much we don't know about our new Burmese friends. We know their lives have been difficult, and that they also had to make the difficult decision to begin new lives in a strange country half way around the world, giving up hopes of returning to their native land. We see their courage and their hope. They have had quite a week since their arrival here. Much lies ahead - school, work, English classes. It makes our difficult days seem not quite so difficult. The parish's decision to assist in resettling this family and others is very much a 'hands-on' way for us to carry out our baptismal covenant and our pledge to love one another, to strive for justice and peace among all people, to care for those in need and to share our many blessings - and may we do so with truly thankful hearts in the name of Jesus.

There are many opportunities for individuals or groups within the parish to participate in this project. Help with transportation to appointments, with English, with bus and community orientation and with social interaction are all needed. Financial contributions are also welcome. If you are interested, contact Barbara Tremblay at (call office for number) or btrem@verizon.net.

From the Parish Mailbox

Episcopal Relief and Development Letter.jpg

Parking at the Chapel of the Cross

By Clare Baum, Buildings and Grounds Committee Chair

Clare Baum.jpg

Parking continues, and will continue, to be a problem at the Chapel of the Cross, as, indeed, it is for all downtown churches in Chapel Hill. The Buildings and Grounds Committee has been working, at the direction of the vestry, to implement improvements recommended by the Parking Committee. Following is a brief background and summary of the vestry's actions designed to address some of the issues related to parking.

Background

(Excerpted from the Parking Committee Report, which was presented to the vestry, the entirety of which can be found on the parish website at http://www.thechapelofthecross.org/2007/ParkingCommitteeReport.html)

The rector, with the approval of the vestry, appointed a Parking Committee with the following charge: "To study the future parking needs of the Chapel of the Cross in light of the Next Step Committee's draft facility proposals, to identify present and future resources available to us, and to make recommendations to the vestry."

The charge was amended by the vestry at its November, 2006, meeting as follows: The committee by agreement with the rector "extended its charge to include an analysis of and recommendations to improve

  1. Opportunities for parishioners living in retirement communities (to more conveniently attend church services and functions, [ed note])
  2. Access to/from the current church parking areas."

Assumptions

The Parking Committee, in agreement with the report from the Next Step Committee, assumed the following: moderate parish growth, no increase in clergy number, modest increase in staff positions.

A maximum number (approx. 46) spaces are currently available at our facilities; the Parking Committee explored multiple options for the parking problems and made the following recommendations, with which the Buildings and Grounds Committee agreed and has been working to implement:

  1. Increased vigilance and use of identification stickers is being emphasized and towing enforced when necessary. Chapel of the Cross parking stickers are available in the parish office and a notice of their availability should be included in all newcomers' information.
  2. Additional well-marked spaces (n=6) should be added along the wall adjacent to the Chapel; this improvement has been implemented. The Buildings and Grounds Committee will continue to discuss marking the spaces along the perimeter of the carriage drive (n=7).
  3. The existing number of 24/7 reserved spaces (n=9) for the clergy and program staff have been retained and remarked; 24/7 spaces reserved for the administrative staff (n=7) have been re-signed to 8:00 am to 5:00 pm, Monday-Friday. In addition, there are 2 spaces ‘reserved' for the student residents and 2 reserved spaces for the altar guild.
  4. The Parking Committee recommended marking 10 spaces as "Disabled;" the Buildings and Grounds Committee agreed to mark spaces near the entrance into the dining room as "handicapped". These spaces are 9-5 staff spaces that are signed "handicapped" on Sundays or for special services. In addition, a new "Handicapped Entrance" sign has been placed at the rear of the parking lot clearly marking the dining room entrance. The committee strongly encourages parishioners not to park outside the designated spaces near the handicapped entrance as it prevents the Chapel Hill Transit Easy-Rider bus from picking-up and discharging wheelchair parishioners.
  5. The Morehead lot is free until 3:00 pm on Sunday; the Rosemary Street town lot is free all day Sunday. The church has purchased tokens for parking in the Morehead and town lots for individuals attending church services, business or meetings at any time Monday-Friday, including those attending the Sunday 5:15 services. These tokens are available in the parish office from one of the administrative staff. If there is a scheduled meeting after office hours, the person convening or chairing the meeting may obtain a sufficient number of tokens for anticipated attendees from the administrative staff prior to the meeting. For the Sunday 5:15 service, the service coordinator should obtain tokens. Please note that the Morehead tokens are for one (1) hour each and the town lot tokens are for ½ hour each. Be sure to obtain an adequate number of tokens to cover the total time you are parked. Please take only the number of tokens needed and return unneeded ones as the church is paying for the tokens.
  6. The Buildings and Grounds Committee has studied and agreed with a recommendation (made in the committee) that the main entrance to the church facilities (that entrance nearest the Morehead lot) should be widened to allow two-way traffic. This change would greatly increase safety while entering and exiting the lot. An application for this change was made to the Chapel Hill Historical District Commission and was heard at the Commission's October meeting.
  7. Improving the safety of our parking facilities and the driveways was a paramount concern of the Parking Committee. To that end, the vestry liaison to the preschool and a representative of the Buildings and Grounds Committee have met in a special committee to discuss issues presented by the Parking Committee that specifically address the preschool. The preschool has begun policing the increased traffic in the parking lot generated at pick-up and drop-off times in an attempt to improve safety and congestion. These committees will continue to work with the preschool board representatives to resolve outstanding issues of concern to the parish and the preschool.

The Buildings and Grounds Committee and the vestry hope that these improvements to our facilities will add to the safety and convenience of our limited parking availability. If you have particular concerns, complaints, or suggestions, please contact a member of the vestry or the Buildings and Grounds Committee.

November Programs and Meetings

Sunday, November 4

9:00 am One World Market Fair

5:00 pm Episcopal Youth Community

Monday, November 5

7:00 pm UNC/COTC Habitat for Humanity

Tuesday, November 6

8:30 am Mary Harris Bible Study

3:00 pm Girl Scout Troop 378

5:00 pm Personnel Committee

6:30 pm Newcomers' Dinner

7:00 pm Environmental Stewardship

7:00 pm Boy Scout Troop 9

Wednesday, November 7

5:00 pm Centering Prayer

5:30 pm Building & Grounds Committee

Thursday, November 8

6:00 pm Master Plan Steering Committee

Saturday, November 10

9:00 am Awakening Heart

Sunday, November 11

5:00 pm Episcopal Youth Community

Monday, November 12

6:00 pm Global Missions Committee

Tuesday, November 13

8:30 am Mary Harris Bible Study

3:00 pm Girl Scout Troop 378

7:00 pm Boy Scout Troop 9

7:30 pm Finance Committee

Wednesday, November 14

5:00 pm Centering Prayer

5:00 pm Capital Campaign Committee

Thursday, November 15

6:00 pm Vestry Meeting

7:30 pm Adult Book Group

Sunday, November 18

5:00 pm Episcopal Youth Community

Monday, November 19

7:00 pm Special Worship with People with Developmental Disabilities

Tuesday, November 20

8:30 am Mary Harris Bible Study

3:00 pm Girl Scout Troop 378

7:00 pm Boy Scout Troop 9

Wednesday, November 21

5:00 pm Centering Prayer

Sunday, November 25

5:00 pm Episcopal Youth Community

Tuesday, November 27

8:30 am Mary Harris Bible Study

3:00 pm Girl Scout Troop 378

7:00 pm Boy Scout Troop 9

Wednesday, November 28

5:00 pm Centering Prayer

Bach's Lunch

Tuesdays at 12:15

A series of 45 minute organ recitals in the church; members of the audience are invited
to bring a box (Bach's) Lunch to eat during the recital.

October 23
Dr. Wylie S. Quinn, III, organist
Chapel of the Cross

October 30
Thomas Bloom, organist
Watts Street Baptist Church, Durham. NC

November 6
Josh Dumbleton, organist
Edenton Street United Methodist, Raleigh, NC

November 13
Laurie Ryan, organist
Church of the Holy Comforter, Burlington, NC

November 20
Chris Leggett, organist
University United Methodist Church, Chapel Hill, NC

A Burning Need for Wood

We have the chain saws, the axes and the splitters, and the able bodies. But we need some seasoned hardwood to cut and deliver for those in our community who need it for heating fuel this winter. If you have some wood on your property that you'd like to have removed, or know where there is a supply that we can tap into, please let us know. We will send a crew to the site and harvest the wood. The preference is a site that will give a good-sized crew a full morning's work. Contact David Brown weekdays at (call office for number) or david_brown@unc.edu.

November Service Schedule

Sunday, November 4 (Green), The Twenty-third Sunday after Pentecost (Proper 26), BCP p. 920

7:30 am Holy Eucharist Rite I Chapel Ms. Jamieson-Drake

11:15 am Holy Eucharist Rite I Church Mr. Elkins-Williams

5:15 pm Holy Eucharist Rite II Chapel Mr. Elkins-Williams

All Saints Sunday (White), BCP p. 925

9:00 am Baptism & Holy Eucharist Rite II Church Mr. Frazelle

10:00 am Holy Eucharist Rite II Carolina Meadows Ms. Jamieson-Drake

9:30 pm Compline Church

Sunday, November 11 (Green), The Twenty-fourth Sunday after Pentecost (Proper 27), BCP p. 920

7:30 am Holy Eucharist Rite I Chapel Mr. Elkins-Williams

9:00 am Holy Eucharist Rite II Church Ms. Lee

11:15 am Morning Prayer and Holy Eucharist Rite I Church Ms. Lee

4:00 pm Holy Eucharist Rite I Carol Woods Mr. Frazelle

5:15 pm Holy Eucharist Rite II Chapel Ms. Lee

9:30 pm Compline Church

Sunday, November 18 (Green), The Twenty-fifth Sunday after Pentecost (Proper 28), BCP p. 921

7:30 am Holy Eucharist Rite I Chapel Ms. Lee

9:00 am Holy Eucharist Rite I Church Mr. Frazelle

11:15 am Holy Eucharist Rite II Church Mr. Frazelle

5:15 pm Holy Eucharist Rite II Chapel Mr. Frazelle

9:30 pm Compline Church

Thursday, November 22 (White), Thanksgiving Day, BCP p. 925

10:00 am Holy Eucharist Rite I Chapel

Sunday, November 25 (White), The Last Sunday after Pentecost (Proper 29), BCP p. 921

7:30 am Holy Eucharist Rite I Chapel Mr. Frazelle

9:00 am Holy Eucharist Rite II Church Mr. Elkins-Williams

11:15 am Holy Eucharist Rite I Church Mr. Elkins-Williams

4:00 pm Holy Eucharist Rite I Carol Woods Ms. Jamieson-Drake

5:15 pm Holy Eucharist Rite II Chapel Mr. Elkins-Williams

9:30 pm Compline Church

5:15 pm Holy Eucharist Rite II Chapel Mr. Elkins-Williams

 

 

Last updated: October 30, 2007

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